Expert Advice for Navigating Confusing Relationships

Key Highlights

• Feeling confused in your relationship is more common than you know. It usually comes from insecurities, problems with talking to each other, and different expectations.

• It is important to see the signs of a trauma bond. These can trap you in bad habits.

• Setting clear boundaries is needed for a healthy relationship. This helps both partners feel safe and respected.

• Talking openly is key to solving confusion. It helps you understand each other's needs and find a common ground.

• Sometimes, getting help from a professional is the best way to sort out complex emotions and create a better relationship.

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Understanding the Dynamics of Confusing Relationships

Confusing relationships are like trying to bake cookies without a recipe, you think you’re doing fine until you pull out a tray of burnt blobs and wonder where it all went wrong. One moment, things are sweet; the next, you’re left with a mess and a lingering question: “What am I doing wrong here?” Spoiler: It’s probably not just you. These relationships often lack clarity, often feel inconsistent, and may not provide emotional security. This confusion can happen for many reasons, including the flaws in communication, wrong expectations, or old relationship pains that come back to affect us now.

Here’s the tea: relationships get messy for a lot of reasons. Maybe the communication feels like a game of charades (“They said they’re fine, but now they’re giving me the silent treatment?”). Maybe the expectations are out of whack (“Why do I have to text first every single time?”). Or maybe those old emotional wounds you’ve been ignoring are creeping into your current relationship and stirring up chaos. To begin solving this confusion, we need to find out why it exists.

As a therapist, I hear this all the time. One client told me, “I feel like I’m always second-guessing what they mean, but then I wonder if I’m just being too sensitive.” Boom. There it is: the perfect storm of self-doubt, overthinking, and emotional ping-pong.

Here’s the truth: the confusion doesn’t start with them, it starts inside. If you’re not clear on who you are, what you want, and what you deserve, it’s easy to get caught up in drama that doesn’t need to exist. Low self-esteem and unresolved hurts? They’ll turn a simple misunderstanding into a full-blown existential crisis. (“Why didn’t they like my Instagram story? Do they even like me?”)

The first step to cutting through the confusion? We dig into the why. Why are you questioning yourself? Why do you feel unsteady in your relationship? And why are you caught in a cycle that leaves you doubting your worth? These aren’t easy questions, but we have to explore them to break free from the constant swirl of doubt and drama.

You deserve clarity, stability, and love that doesn’t feel like a constant guessing game. Let’s talk about how to get you there, because life’s too short to be stuck wondering if you’re the problem when the cookies don’t turn out right.

Why am I confused after communicating in my relationship?

Let’s be real: communication issues in relationships are like a bad Wi-Fi connection, messages get lost, signals are misread, and before you know it, you’re both frustrated. Misunderstandings, assumptions, and the oh-so-fun buildup of resentment don’t just appear out of nowhere. They thrive in the silence where honest conversations should be. A communication breakdown causes a lot of confusion in a romantic relationship. It l

As a therapist, I hear it all the time: “I don’t know why they don’t get it. I mean, I hinted at how I felt, but they didn’t do anything.” Meanwhile, their partner is over there like, “Hinted? I’m not a mind reader!” And that, my friends, is how the chaos begins. Good communication needs listening, empathy, and a desire to understand each other. It also means creating a safe space where both people feel okay to share without fear of being judged or ignored. The only way to fix communication problems is to face them directly.

Good communication isn’t just about talking, it’s about being heard. That means both partners need to listen (without plotting their next comeback), practice empathy (“Oh, so that’s why they’re mad”), and create a space where nobody’s afraid to speak up. You know, a space free from eye rolls and defensive walls. Because if you’re walking on eggshells or holding in your true feelings to “keep the peace,” that’s not peace, it’s repression with a side of resentment.

Fixing communication isn’t about dropping subtle hints or avoiding hard conversations. It’s about calling it out: “Hey, when you do X, it makes me feel Y. Can we talk about it?” Sure, it’s uncomfortable at first, but so is letting tension simmer until it boils over in a fight about dishes that’s not actually about dishes.

Here’s the thing: if you’re not aware of how you communicate, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Be open to feedback, even when it stings (yes, you interrupt sometimes). Practice active listening, even when you’d rather binge TikToks. And for the love of emotional growth, don’t just vent, share your actual feelings, needs, and concerns. This builds deeper understanding in your relationship.

Because when both of you show up ready to listen and actually try to understand each other? That’s when the real magic happens. And trust me, it’s way better than buffering in relationship limbo.

Is our relationship confusing because of mismatched expectations?

Everyone walks into a relationship with their own expectations, and most of the time, those expectations are about as compatible as pineapple on pizza (controversial, I know). These ideas come from past experiences, family values, and what you think love should look like. The problem? Your partner has their own playbook, and it’s probably not the same as yours.When these expectations do not match, it can cause problems and confusion.

Take this for example: one client told me, “I don’t get why they don’t prioritize spending time with me. That’s how I feel loved.” Meanwhile, their partner chimed in with, “But I washed your car and fixed the sink! That’s me showing love!” Cue the confusion. Both were giving 110%, but neither felt appreciated. Why? Because their expectations were in two completely different love languages.

Also, society’s views on relationships can make things even more complicated. Social media and rom-coms sell us these picture-perfect, love-at-first-sight relationships with grand gestures and no arguments. But in real life? Love is messy, people are flawed, and no one’s serenading you in the rain unless you’re paying them. The gap between what we dream of and what relationships really look like can leave us feeling disappointed, frustrated, and maybe a little confused.

So, how do we fix it? First, we get real about what you actually need in a relationship versus what you think you should want. I help clients navigate this by asking questions like, “What feels non-negotiable to you? What would make you feel seen, supported, and loved?”

It’s also about clear communication. This means sitting down and saying, “Hey, when you do X, it makes me feel Y. What’s something I can do that would make you feel loved?” Is it awkward? Sometimes. Is it worth it? Always. Relationships thrive on clarity and flexibility. Being open about what you need, and being willing to compromise, can transform “constant arguments” into “working together as a team.”

Let go of the unspoken rules and fairy tale fantasies. Instead, let’s build relationships on understanding, honesty, and shared reality. Because real love isn’t about meeting some unrealistic checklist, it’s about showing up, growing together, and finding joy in the beautifully imperfect connection you create.

Recognizing a Trauma Bond in Your Relationship

Let’s talk about trauma bonds, the sneaky little gremlins of toxic relationships. Sometimes, confusion in a relationship comes from a deeper issue called a trauma bond. These aren’t your average emotional attachments; they’re more like being stuck on a rollercoaster that only goes from really good to really awful with no stops in between. One day, you’re showered with love and affection (cue the love-bombing). The next, you’re walking on eggshells, bracing for the hurt. It’s addictive, it’s confusing, and it keeps you locked in a loop of hope and heartbreak.

As a therapist, I’ve seen it firsthand. One client said to me, “They’re not always bad. When it’s good, it’s amazing—like they really see me. But when it’s bad, I feel like I can’t breathe.” That’s the pull of a trauma bond: the highs are intoxicating, but the lows leave you questioning your worth and your reality. And this is where we become unhealthily attached to someone who acts harmfully, this is the cycle of abuse.

This isn’t about being weak or “stupid” for staying. Trauma bonds are a natural response to a toxic situation. Your brain gets hooked on the dopamine from the “good moments,” making it harder to walk away from the chaos. Add in the shame of thinking, “Why can’t I just leave?” and it’s no wonder you feel stuck. To get out of a trauma bond, we need to see it for what it is.

Breaking free starts with seeing the cycle for what it is. In sessions, I help clients name it: “That’s not love. That’s a pattern designed to keep you confused and controlled.” Naming it takes the power away from the shame and puts it back in your hands. From there, we work on building the courage and support system you need to step off the rollercoaster.

And no, it’s not easy. But with the right tools and therapist—like learning about boundaries, recognizing your worth outside of their validation, and reconnecting with your own voice—it’s 100% possible. Breaking a trauma bond isn’t just about leaving the person; it’s about reclaiming you.

Because let’s be real: you deserve a love that feels steady, safe, and supportive—not one that keeps you questioning your sanity.

Strategies to Navigate Through Confusing Times

Relationships can be messy, confusing, and downright exhausting. If you’re stuck wondering, “What’s happening here?” moments, it’s time to take a breath and understand why this is happening. The cure for relationship confusion isn’t found in vague assumptions or passive-aggressive comments—it’s in honest conversations and intentional action.

In my sessions, I often hear things like, “I don’t get why we’re always fighting, but I’m scared to bring it up. What if it just makes things worse?” Meanwhile, their partner might be sitting there, arms crossed, thinking, “If they would just tell me what’s wrong, we wouldn’t have these issues.” Sound familiar? That’s the confusion dance: no one’s talking honestly, everyone’s guessing, and clarity is nowhere to be found.

Fixing this starts with real, vulnerable communication. That means sitting down with your partner and saying, “Hey, I feel X when Y happens. Can we figure out what’s going on together?” And when they respond, actually listen—like, really listen. Not just to their words but to what they’re feeling. (Yes, even if their delivery is less than perfect.)

Healthy relationships aren’t magic—they’re work. They require effort on both sides to care for each other, understand each other’s needs, and navigate the messy stuff without bailing at the first sign of discomfort. And sometimes, getting through the messy stuff means calling in reinforcements.

This is where I step in as your outside perspective. I help clients identify what’s really going on beneath the surface—those unspoken fears, unmet needs, and underlying patterns that keep them stuck. Together, we break it down: What’s causing the disconnect? What needs aren’t being met? And how can we communicate those needs in a way that builds the relationship instead of walls?

So, if your relationship feels like it’s spinning in circles, start here: get honest, get curious, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Because the goal isn’t perfection—it’s connection. And trust me, that’s worth the work.

What are clear boundaries?

Let’s talk about boundaries, shall we? These aren’t just rules for other people—they’re your way of saying, “Here’s how I protect my peace and stay sane.” Think of boundaries as the ultimate relationship GPS. Without them? You’re driving blind, and spoiler alert: that’s how you end up in Hurt Feelings Town or Confusion City.

As a therapist, I often hear clients say things like, “I told them I need more alone time, but they keep showing up unannounced. Am I asking for too much?” Nope, you’re not asking for too much—you’re just not being heard. And that’s where boundaries come in. They’re not about controlling anyone else; they’re about clearly defining what works for you and sticking to it like your emotional health depends on it (because it does).

Step one: figure out what’s non-negotiable for you. Is it respect? Honest communication? Quality time? Space to binge your favorite show alone without interruptions? Whatever it is, get clear on it. This is your personal rulebook for relationships.

Step two: communicate those boundaries to your partner. Yes, this might feel awkward, but clarity is your friend here. Try something like, “Hey, I need X to feel good in this relationship. How does that feel for you?” Clear, kind, and to the point. Bonus points if you throw in a little humor to keep it light.

Step three (and this one’s crucial): stand by those boundaries with love and patience. At first, it might feel weird, like you’re asking for too much or rocking the boat. But here’s the thing: boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re how you protect your emotional well-being and create space for a relationship that’s healthy and balanced.

In sessions, I help clients navigate this all the time. For example, one client struggled with their partner constantly canceling plans. We worked together to identify their boundary: “If you commit to plans, I need you to follow through. If something comes up, I need clear communication.” Once they communicated this boundary—and stuck to it—their relationship became less chaotic and way more respectful.

And yes, there’s a chance some people won’t respect your boundaries. When that happens, you have every right to walk away from situations that harm your emotional health. Because at the end of the day, boundaries aren’t just about keeping the wrong people out—they’re about letting the right people in.

So, go ahead. Get clear, get vocal, and protect your peace like the beautiful badass you are. Boundaries: they’re not just important—they’re essential.

Seeking Professional Help and Guidance

So back to backing cookies… when the recipe is missing half the steps and the measurements are written in a language you don’t speak, it’s confusing. One minute, everything feels sweet and perfect, and the next, you’re staring at a burnt mess thinking, “How did this happen?”

Enter therapy—the place where you can finally lay out all your ingredients (aka feelings) and figure out what’s going wrong with the recipe. A good therapist doesn’t just hand you a new set of instructions and call it a day. (Although I wish it were that simple.) Instead, we dig into what’s working, what’s not, and why your relationship keeps coming out more “oops” than “yum.”

For example, a client once said, “I keep trying to tell my partner how I feel, but it always turns into a fight. Now I just stay quiet.” That’s like leaving out the sugar because you’re afraid the cookies will be too sweet. Sure, you’re avoiding one problem, but now your cookies (and your relationship) are flat and unsatisfying. In therapy, we unpack the why behind the silence, practice how to speak up without starting a five-alarm fire, and add just the right amount of sweetness to the mix.

And if you’re stuck in something heavier—like a trauma bond—it’s like trying to bake with an oven that keeps exploding. Trauma bonds are toxic and confusing, but they’re also incredibly hard to walk away from because they’re built on highs and lows that feel addictive. Therapy helps you stop blaming yourself for the chaos, understand why you’re stuck, and start creating something nourishing instead of harmful.

Choosing therapy isn’t a sign you’ve failed—it’s the ultimate glow-up. It means you care enough about yourself to say, “I deserve better than burnt cookies and emotional whiplash.” And honestly, you do. So, let’s roll up our sleeves, sort through the ingredients, and bake up something worth savoring.

Conclusion

So, if your relationship feels like a batch of cookies that keeps burning or crumbling, it’s time to take a step back and get the clarity you need. You don’t have to keep blindly following that broken recipe. Set your boundaries, get the support you deserve, and, most importantly, prioritize your emotional health. You’re not stuck in a never-ending loop of confusion and hurt—help is out there, and you have the power to turn things around. Because, at the end of the day, you deserve a relationship that’s sweet, satisfying, and baked with the right ingredients. Let’s get you back to enjoying that fresh, warm batch of love and happiness.

Ready to take the first step toward a healthier relationship? Click the button below and let’s get to work. Trust me, I’ve been there too—which is exactly why I specialize in helping you sort through this mess. I’m here to help you find the clarity you’ve been searching for!

Frequently Asked Questions

How do you know if you're in a trauma bond?

Trauma bonds are like staying in a relationship where you’re constantly on an emotional rollercoaster—one minute things are great, full of love and affection, and the next, you’re dealing with hurtful behavior or emotional abuse. It’s confusing and exhausting, but somehow you keep finding yourself going back for more, justifying their actions or telling yourself it’ll get better. You feel stuck, like you can't leave even though you know something’s off.

Can a confusing relationship become healthy again?

Absolutely, but it’s not going to happen by just hoping for the best or waiting for a miracle. It takes honest conversations (even when it’s uncomfortable), hard work, and a mutual desire to grow together. Think of it like clearing out the clutter in your closet—you're going to have to deal with that pile of old stuff you’ve been avoiding, set some boundaries (no, your ex’s sweatshirt doesn't need to stay), and finally put things in order. That’s how we get to the hidden issues that have been festering in the relationship. Sometimes, a little extra help from a professional (yup, that’s me!) can give you the guidance you need to break old habits and create better communication.

What steps can I take to improve communication with my partner?

It’s not just about talking more—it’s about actually hearing each other. Start with active listening—really listening, not just planning your next argument while they’re talking. Show empathy, even if you're about ready to throw the remote at the TV. Then, practice sharing your needs and feelings clearly and kindly. I’ve had plenty of clients say, “I told them what I need!” but the way they said it was more like "screaming with a side of sarcasm," so let’s avoid that. If you’re still stuck, it might be time to bring in some professional help. I work with clients to untangle communication issues and help them learn to truly hear and understand each other.

How to Feel Your Feelings (Without Overthinking Them)

Ah, confusion. It's that nagging, familiar feeling that makes you question everything about your relationship, even though you're highly intelligent and self-aware. If you’re here reading this, it’s because you know you’re caught in that cycle of overthinking—where the mind spins in circles, analyzing and dissecting every moment. You’ve tried to think your way out of it, but here you are. Feeling stuck. Again.

Let’s be clear: this isn’t about you being less smart. It’s not about missing the "right answer" or lacking some magical insight. It’s not even about the fact that you can see through the unhealthy dynamics, yet you’re still stuck. It’s a bit more complicated—and it has everything to do with your ability to feel your feelings.

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The Intellectual Trap: Why We Get Stuck in Confusion

As a highly self-aware person, you might believe that your ability to intellectualize your emotions should give you some sort of superpower to navigate relationships. But instead, it just keeps you stuck in the loop. You get lost in over-analyzing, justifying, or rationalizing things that don’t quite sit right. The problem isn’t that you’re not smart enough to get it—it’s that you’re trying to think your way out of feelings, when feelings need to be felt, not figured out.

You know what you’re supposed to do, yet somehow, you still can’t make the call. Why? Because feelings aren't problems to solve. They’re experiences to feel. And the more you try to think your way out of them, the more the confusion grows.

So how do you break this pattern and actually feel what’s going on inside?

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Step 1: Get Into Your Body

I get it, you’re probably rolling your eyes. “Really? The body? I’m not five years old.” But hear me out. Your brain can only do so much to process feelings. And guess what? It often messes with your emotions to the point of complete disconnection. The real work of processing emotions happens in the body, not the mind.

So here’s an experiment (yes, we’re going full-on therapist here). Take a moment right now to tune into your body. Go ahead and sit with your feet flat on the floor, close your eyes if you can, and pay attention to the physical sensations you’re experiencing. Don’t judge them or try to change them, just observe.

What’s happening in your chest? Tight? Open? Is your breathing shallow, or deep and steady? How about your stomach? Do you feel any knots there?

You’re not trying to label it as “good” or “bad”—you’re just gathering data. Think of yourself as a scientist who’s curious about what’s going on with you. What is your body trying to tell you right now?

The body is your emotional GPS. If you’ve been intellectualizing for too long, it’s time to reconnect with your body. You might notice that what felt confusing in your head is a lot clearer once you pay attention to your physical sensations.

Step 2: Don’t Try to Fix It (Yet)

I know you’re a fixer. You’re a problem-solver, and you probably have the perfect logical solution to every dilemma. But here's the thing: you can't fix your emotions by overthinking them. In fact, trying to "fix" feelings only makes things worse.

Feelings don't need to be fixed. They need to be processed. And that can’t happen when you’re trying to bulldoze through them. So when you start to feel the pressure to do something about your feelings, stop.

Sit with them. Give yourself permission to be uncomfortable. Don't rush to "fix" the situation. The more you try to force emotions away or find a way out of them, the more you reinforce the cycle of confusion.

Here’s an example: Let’s say you’ve had a disagreement with your partner. Your brain immediately starts creating scenarios and justifications: “I should’ve said this… if they just understood that… maybe I’m overreacting…” It’s a mental loop that keeps you trapped. Instead of fixing the problem, try to sit with the discomfort. Notice the thoughts, acknowledge them, but allow yourself the space to just feel what you’re feeling in that moment.

Step 3: Practice Mindfulness and Be Curious

The key to breaking free from confusion is mindfulness. Being curious about your experience, not judgmental. It’s about noticing your emotional state, observing it, and allowing it to be there.

Next time you're feeling conflicted or uncertain, try these three mindfulness principles:

• Beginner’s Mind: Approach the situation like you’ve never experienced it before. Let go of all the assumptions or expectations. How does it feel to just be with your emotions?

• Non-Judgment: Drop the labels. Instead of saying “This is awful,” describe the feeling. “I feel heavy in my chest. My thoughts are racing. My stomach is tight.” Let your language reflect curiosity, not criticism.

• Non-Striving: Don’t force anything. Let the emotions flow naturally. You don’t need to make them go away or change them immediately. Just allow them to exist without pressure.

Mindfulness brings you back into your body and teaches you how to be present with yourself.

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The Bottom Line: Stop Trying to Figure It All Out

Look, you’re not going to figure out everything all at once. Confusion is a sign that you're living in your head too much, trying to think your way out of a situation that your body already understands. But when you can step out of the intellectualization and drop into your body, the fog begins to lift.

So, the next time you feel stuck in a confusing relationship, remember: feelings are meant to be felt, not solved. Stop trying to outsmart them. Instead, get into your body, allow yourself to sit with what’s coming up, and practice being present.

Because as uncomfortable as it may feel, the more you allow yourself to feel, the clearer the path ahead will become.