How to Feel Your Feelings (Without Overthinking Them)
Ah, confusion. It's that nagging, familiar feeling that makes you question everything about your relationship, even though you're highly intelligent and self-aware. If you’re here reading this, it’s because you know you’re caught in that cycle of overthinking—where the mind spins in circles, analyzing and dissecting every moment. You’ve tried to think your way out of it, but here you are. Feeling stuck. Again.
Let’s be clear: this isn’t about you being less smart. It’s not about missing the "right answer" or lacking some magical insight. It’s not even about the fact that you can see through the unhealthy dynamics, yet you’re still stuck. It’s a bit more complicated—and it has everything to do with your ability to feel your feelings.
The Intellectual Trap: Why We Get Stuck in Confusion
As a highly self-aware person, you might believe that your ability to intellectualize your emotions should give you some sort of superpower to navigate relationships. But instead, it just keeps you stuck in the loop. You get lost in over-analyzing, justifying, or rationalizing things that don’t quite sit right. The problem isn’t that you’re not smart enough to get it—it’s that you’re trying to think your way out of feelings, when feelings need to be felt, not figured out.
You know what you’re supposed to do, yet somehow, you still can’t make the call. Why? Because feelings aren't problems to solve. They’re experiences to feel. And the more you try to think your way out of them, the more the confusion grows.
So how do you break this pattern and actually feel what’s going on inside?
Step 1: Get Into Your Body
I get it, you’re probably rolling your eyes. “Really? The body? I’m not five years old.” But hear me out. Your brain can only do so much to process feelings. And guess what? It often messes with your emotions to the point of complete disconnection. The real work of processing emotions happens in the body, not the mind.
So here’s an experiment (yes, we’re going full-on therapist here). Take a moment right now to tune into your body. Go ahead and sit with your feet flat on the floor, close your eyes if you can, and pay attention to the physical sensations you’re experiencing. Don’t judge them or try to change them, just observe.
What’s happening in your chest? Tight? Open? Is your breathing shallow, or deep and steady? How about your stomach? Do you feel any knots there?
You’re not trying to label it as “good” or “bad”—you’re just gathering data. Think of yourself as a scientist who’s curious about what’s going on with you. What is your body trying to tell you right now?
The body is your emotional GPS. If you’ve been intellectualizing for too long, it’s time to reconnect with your body. You might notice that what felt confusing in your head is a lot clearer once you pay attention to your physical sensations.
Step 2: Don’t Try to Fix It (Yet)
I know you’re a fixer. You’re a problem-solver, and you probably have the perfect logical solution to every dilemma. But here's the thing: you can't fix your emotions by overthinking them. In fact, trying to "fix" feelings only makes things worse.
Feelings don't need to be fixed. They need to be processed. And that can’t happen when you’re trying to bulldoze through them. So when you start to feel the pressure to do something about your feelings, stop.
Sit with them. Give yourself permission to be uncomfortable. Don't rush to "fix" the situation. The more you try to force emotions away or find a way out of them, the more you reinforce the cycle of confusion.
Here’s an example: Let’s say you’ve had a disagreement with your partner. Your brain immediately starts creating scenarios and justifications: “I should’ve said this… if they just understood that… maybe I’m overreacting…” It’s a mental loop that keeps you trapped. Instead of fixing the problem, try to sit with the discomfort. Notice the thoughts, acknowledge them, but allow yourself the space to just feel what you’re feeling in that moment.
Step 3: Practice Mindfulness and Be Curious
The key to breaking free from confusion is mindfulness. Being curious about your experience, not judgmental. It’s about noticing your emotional state, observing it, and allowing it to be there.
Next time you're feeling conflicted or uncertain, try these three mindfulness principles:
Beginner’s Mind: Approach the situation like you’ve never experienced it before. Let go of all the assumptions or expectations. How does it feel to just be with your emotions?
Non-Judgment: Drop the labels. Instead of saying “This is awful,” describe the feeling. “I feel heavy in my chest. My thoughts are racing. My stomach is tight.” Let your language reflect curiosity, not criticism.
Non-Striving: Don’t force anything. Let the emotions flow naturally. You don’t need to make them go away or change them immediately. Just allow them to exist without pressure.
Mindfulness brings you back into your body and teaches you how to be present with yourself.
The Bottom Line: Stop Trying to Figure It All Out
Look, you’re not going to figure out everything all at once. Confusion is a sign that you're living in your head too much, trying to think your way out of a situation that your body already understands. But when you can step out of the intellectualization and drop into your body, the fog begins to lift.
So, the next time you feel stuck in a confusing relationship, remember: feelings are meant to be felt, not solved. Stop trying to outsmart them. Instead, get into your body, allow yourself to sit with what’s coming up, and practice being present.
Because as uncomfortable as it may feel, the more you allow yourself to feel, the clearer the path ahead will become.
