Therapy Intensives vs. Weekly Therapy: Which Is Right for You?

If you’ve been googling mental health therapy options because you’re tired, burned out, and stuck in toxic relationship patterns—you're not alone. Whether you’re considering weekly therapy or curious about therapy intensives, understanding which option suits your needs can feel overwhelming. Many people find themselves submitting to weekly therapy or opting for therapy intensives. Each method offers unique benefits, but how can you are torn between to determine which is the best fit for your needs?

This post breaks down the real differences between therapy intensives and weekly therapy so you can make an informed, empowered choice and finally get the support you need to start feeling like yourself again.

What Are Therapy Intensives and Who Are They For?

Therapy intensives are extended, concentrated therapy sessions that typically range from 3 to 5 hours (done in a single day or over several days). Rather than spreading out your healing week by week, you get to into the nitty gritty of your problems, fast.

They’re designed for people who are ready to get to the root of things now, whether that’s trauma, toxic relationship patterns, or chronic emotional exhaustion.

Research indicates that therapy intensives can be particularly effective for conditions such as PTSD and phobias, offering accelerated symptom relief compared to traditional weekly sessions. For a detailed exploration of this topic, consider reading "How Effective Are Therapy Intensives?" by Hannah Holmes.

Benefits of Therapy Intensives:

• Accelerated healing: You can make months’ worth of progress in a short amount of time.

• Focused time to go deep: No stopping just as you’re getting to the good stuff.

• Less disruption: Perfect if you don’t have time or energy for weekly sessions long-term.

• Ideal for busy professionals: Instead of rearranging your schedule every week, you block out one or two days to do the deep work.

“Therapy intensives are ideal for those who want to make fast, meaningful progress, especially in crisis situations or when they need to overcome deeper mental health challenges.”

Potential Limitations:

• Can feel emotionally intense: You’re doing a lot in a short time, so it’s important to have post-intensive support.

• Not always covered by insurance: Many therapy intensives are private pay due to their format.

• Requires clear scheduling upfront: If your life is chaotic right now, carving out several hours may feel hard (but also… might be what you actually need).

Learn more about my trauma therapy intensives and how they help emotionally exhausted women break toxic patterns fast.

Who Benefits Most From Therapy Intensives?

Therapy intensives are especially powerful for busy, emotionally exhausted women who carry the weight of the world on their shoulders—but have no space to process it.

If you're a:

• Busy mom who spends every ounce of energy on others and never has time for yourself

• Attorney, doctor, or medical professional balancing demanding schedules, long shifts, and high pressure

• Pilot or shift worker with inconsistent hours that make weekly sessions unrealistic

• Entrepreneur or business owner who needs efficient, results-driven support

…then a therapy intensive could be your lifeline.

You don’t have time to slowly chip away at the surface, you need to dig deep, feel a shift, and walk away with clarity and next steps.

Therapy intensives are built for people like you: those who are emotionally exhausted, overextended, and desperate for change—but don’t want to waste time. You’re self-aware, you’ve read all the books, listened to the podcasts, maybe even done therapy before. But you’re still stuck.

This is your fast track to getting unstuck.

“Are you looking for quick, intensive work to overcome a specific issue? A therapy
intensive might be the best choice. Do you prefer a slower, more gradual approach to healing? Weekly sessions might be more appropriate.”

Busy professionals often find that longer therapy sessions fit better into their schedules and allow for more profound work. Insights into this approach are discussed in "Why 2-4 Hour Therapy Intensives Beat the Weekly 53-Minute Model" by Adapt PDX.

What Is Weekly Therapy and How Does It Work?

Weekly therapy is the traditional format most people are familiar with—50-60 minute sessions once a week, over several months (or even years). It offers steady, consistent support as you process your experiences.

Benefits of Weekly Therapy:

• Ongoing support: A regular check-in to help you stay grounded and focused.

• Gentle pace: If you’re new to therapy or not ready to dig deep yet, this gives you time to build trust and ease into the work.

• Gradual change: Ideal if you need time to reflect and apply what you’re learning week to week.

Potential Limitations:

• Slower progress: If you’re in crisis or stuck in a loop, it might feel like you’re spinning your wheels.

• Harder to stay on track: Life gets busy. Missed sessions or shallow check-ins can slow your momentum.

• Can prolong pain: If you're feeling desperate for change, one hour a week might not cut it.

Therapy Intensives vs. Weekly Therapy: Pros and Cons

Let’s keep it real: there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. But here are a few things to consider when deciding between therapy intensives and weekly therapy:

Therapy Intensives Might Be Better If:

• You feel stuck and need major clarity fast.

• You want big shifts and deeper healing in less time.

• You’re ready to face your past, process the pain, and move forward.

• Your schedule is chaotic or unpredictable, and committing weekly feels impossible.

• You already know what’s wrong but don’t know how to break the pattern.

• You’ve tried weekly therapy before but need to go deeper, faster.

Weekly Therapy Might Be Better If:

• You prefer a slower, more gradual healing process.

• You’re not emotionally ready to open up all at once.

• You feel safer having consistent weekly support.

• You have a routine that allows space for regular sessions.

• You’re new to therapy and want to build trust over time.

---

For individuals considering EMDR therapy, understanding the distinctions between intensive and weekly sessions is crucial. An in-depth comparison is available in "EMDR Intensives vs. Weekly Therapy: What's the Difference?" by Seasons of Growth Counseling.

Choosing the Right Mental Health Therapy Option for You

If you’ve tried weekly counseling in the past and still feel stuck in the same emotional patterns, a therapy intensive might be the best format for your healing. Therapy intensives give emotionally exhausted women the space to dive deep, fast—without waiting weeks for progress.

Whether you're seeking relief from emotional exhaustion, toxic relationship dynamics, or childhood trauma, the right therapy format can make all the difference. What matters most is finding what works for you and your lifestyle.

What About Cost? Let’s Talk Investment

One of the biggest questions I get from clients is: “Are therapy intensives more expensive than weekly therapy?” And the honest answer is—it depends on how you look at it.

Yes, therapy intensives are a larger upfront investment. But when you compare what you’re getting, it often turns out to be more cost-effective than months of weekly therapy.

Here's the breakdown:

• A typical weekly session runs $175–$315 and lasts around 50 minutes.

• If you attend weekly for 3 months, you’ll spend roughly $2,100–$3,780—and you might just be scratching the surface.

• A therapy intensive may cost $990–$1,750 for a single 3–5 hour intensive session. But you can address the root cause instead of circling around the symptoms.

When you're emotionally exhausted, burned out, and stuck in cycles you can’t seem to break, you don’t have time to waste. You’ve likely already spent years people-pleasing, overthinking, and putting yourself last.

Therapy intensives are designed to get you clarity now, not months from now. You’ll walk away from one day of work with more insight, resolution, and practical tools than many get in 10+ weeks of therapy.

And here’s the best part? My $97 consultation can be applied to your intensive, so you don’t have to commit to a big decision without clarity.

You’re not paying for time—you’re investing in transformation.

FAQs About Therapy Intensives and Weekly Therapy

Are therapy intensives better than weekly therapy?

It depends on your goals. Therapy intensives help you make faster progress and go deeper in less time. Weekly therapy provides steady, long-term support. Many people benefit from a mix of both over time.

Are therapy intensives covered by insurance?

Most therapy intensives are private pay, but many clients find they’re worth the investment due to how quickly they create results. You can always ask your provider about super-bill options.

How long is a therapy intensive?

Sessions range from 3 to 5 hours and can be split across multiple days. Some people do one intensive and follow up with weekly sessions. Others book a few intensives a year as part of their healing plan.

Ready to Heal? Let’s Figure Out the Best Path Together

Whether you’re leaning toward weekly sessions or feel like a therapy intensive might help you reset and reclaim your peace—let’s talk. I specialize in helping emotionally exhausted women heal from toxic relationships, childhood trauma, and burnout.

You can book a free consultation 15-minute consultation to explore your mental health therapy options or schedule a $97 60-minute session to see what it’s like to work with me, it can be applied to future services if you decide to work with me.

Book your consult or $97 session here and let’s get you the clarity you deserve.

If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!

Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.

Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP

Decoding the Complexity of Relationships: Navigating Love in Pittsburgh

Are you confused by the twists and turns of love? In Pittsburgh, where real connections matter, understanding relationships is a journey. This guide will show you how to spot the signs, learn from the numbers, and build healthy bonds. Let’s get started on making love simpler in our Steel City.

Understanding the Dynamics of Relationships

Relationships are like webs that join us together. They mix our feelings, thoughts, and actions. In Pittsburgh, you meet many types of bonds—romantic, friendly, family, or work. Each one works in its own way.

• Interdependence: Everyone brings their own needs and dreams.

• Communication: Honest talk builds trust.

• Power and Roles: Roles can change as life changes.

Nearly 50% of first marriages end in divorce, and the rate is even higher for second marriages. Learn more about this by clicking here.

What are Common Challenges in Relationships?

Every bond faces bumps in the road. Common issues include:

• Miscommunication: When words get twisted, hurt follows.

• Trust Issues: Doubt can break a bond.

• Financial Disagreements: Money fights are common.

• Controlling Behavior: One person taking charge too much.

About 90% of relationship issues stem from poor communication, trust problems, money conflicts, or controlling behavior. Read more abou this by clicking here.

Impact of Education and Other Factors

Not all bonds last the same. Research shows that education plays a role. The risk of divorce is almost three times higher for the lowest-educated men and nearly two times higher for the lowest-educated women. Check out related research by clicking here.

When couples talk and show respect, they stand a better chance at lasting love.

Relationship Satisfaction and Unsolvable Problems

Happy bonds depend on feeling satisfied. But not every problem can be fixed. Studies show a strong link between marital satisfaction and stability. Low commitment and unhappiness predict divorce.
Explore findings on marital satisfaction. John Gottman’s research shows that nearly 69% of relationship problems are unsolvable. Couples learn to cope instead of fixing everything. Learn more from Gottman’s research.

Effective Communication: The Heart of Connection

Good talk is key. Listen well, watch body language, and pick the right time to speak. This builds trust and deepens your bond.

Building Trust and Intimacy

Trust grows when you keep your word and share honestly. Spend quality time at local spots, like Pittsburgh parks or a cozy café, to build your bond.

Resolving Conflict in a Healthy Way

Disagreements happen. Use "I" statements like "I feel hurt when…" to share feelings. If things get heated, take a short break, then talk again. This helps turn fights into chances to grow.

Seeking Professional Help

When problems pile up, talking to a professional can help. In Pittsburgh, local counselors and support groups can guide you through tough times. Visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) for resources.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What are the key signs of a toxic relationship?
A: Look for constant criticism, feeling like you must tiptoe around, and having your boundaries ignored. These signs mean the bond may be hurting you.

2. How can I tell if my relationship is healthy or toxic?
A: If you feel supported and free to be yourself, your relationship is likely healthy. But if you feel drained, anxious, or alone, it might be toxic.

3. What are the common types of toxic relationships?
A: They can be manipulative, overly dependent, or aggressive. Each type hurts you in different ways, but all can break your spirit.

4. How do toxic relationships affect mental health?
A: They can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and isolation. These effects make it hard to trust and connect with others.

5. When should I seek professional help?
A: If conflicts are constant, you feel overwhelmed, or you are isolated, it’s time to talk to a counselor or join a support group.

Embrace the Journey of Love in Pittsburgh

Love is a journey full of twists and turns. By understanding how relationships work, learning from key numbers, and speaking openly, you can build bonds that last. In Pittsburgh, you are part of a caring community that values true connection. Start today by embracing these insights and creating the healthy, happy relationships you deserve.

If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!

Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.

Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP

Why Do I Stay in Toxic Relationships? (Read This Before You Text Them Back)

Do you ever stare at your phone, thumb hovering over the screen, about to text them back—again—even though your gut is screaming

Yep. Been there.

You’re successful, smart, and emotionally aware. But when it comes to them? You feel stuck, drained, and honestly, a little ashamed.

Let’s get honest about why you keep staying—even when they treat you like crap. No fluff. No shame. Just clarity, compassion, and the tools to help you break free.

What Really Keeps You Stuck?

1. Trauma Bonding Is Real

Toxic relationships often follow a cycle: love bombing → control → withdrawal → just enough affection to keep you hanging on. That pattern creates a trauma bond—an intense emotional attachment that mimics addiction.

Example: They ignore you all weekend, then show up on Monday as if nothing happened, saying, "I miss you." That sudden rush of attention? That’s the hook—and it’s why letting go of a toxic relationship can be difficult.

2. You're Emotionally Exhausted

When you’re constantly walking on eggshells, your nervous system never gets a break. Emotional exhaustion leaves you foggy, causes you to overthink everything, and makes you feel paralyzed.

For example, you mentally rehearse texts, analyze their tone, and censor yourself to avoid a conflict. It’s not just burnout—it’s what occurs when toxic relationships erode your sense of self.

This kind of fatigue makes it feel overwhelming to let go of toxic people. You’re not lazy—you’re dysregulated and running on empty.

3. Your Inner Child is Still Searching for Safety

If you grew up in chaos or had to earn love as a kid, a loving toxic relationship might feel familiar. That’s not a coincidence—it’s repetition.

Your inner child—the part of you that learned love = pain—may still be running the show. And until you meet her with compassion, she’ll keep chasing that unavailable love.

This is why healing inner childhood wounds is a game-changer. When you start healing your inner self, you stop needing validation from people who can’t give it.

Example: You keep thinking, "If I’m just good enough, they'll stay." That’s not the adult you—that’s a little girl trying to feel safe.

Letting go of toxic relationships often means healing childhood wounds first.

4. You're Holding Onto Hope (And That’s Not Your Fault)

You remember the good times, the inside jokes, the "I love you"s, and deep down, you hope the person you fell for will show up again.

But here’s the thing: What version of them do you miss? That was the bait. Letting go of toxic relationships starts with accepting that their best moments don’t erase the harm.

5. You Don’t Trust Yourself Anymore

Gaslighting, blame-shifting, and subtle manipulation have a way of making you question your reality. Over time, you stop trusting your gut and wonder, "Maybe it's me."

Spoiler: It’s not.

Regaining self-trust is part of healing the inner self. Learning how to let go of a toxic relationship requires reconnecting with your inner truth—and believing you’re allowed to walk away.

How to Break the Cycle (Even If You’re Not Ready to Leave Yet)

1. Call It What It Is

Say it out loud: This is a toxic, unhealthy relationship. Naming it breaks the denial. It’s the first step to letting toxic people go without guilt.

2. Regulate Before You React

Before making big moves, focus on nervous system regulation. Breathwork. Journaling. Talking to someone safe. You can’t heal in survival mode.

Let go of toxic when your body feels calm enough to choose yourself.

3. Start Healing (Right Now)

Healing your inner childhood wounds doesn’t need to be complicated. You can start with 10 minutes a day. Think: morning journaling, mirror work, or nervous system resets.

If you’ve been Googling "how to heal inner childhood trauma," you’re not alone. This blog breaks down simple ways to start healing.

4. Download the Good Girl Detox

Over-giving? People-pleasing? Constantly second-guessing yourself? The Good Girl Detox Guide was made for you. It’s your first step toward cutting off toxic dynamics and reclaiming your energy. [Download it here]

5. Book a $97 Intro Call

Not ready for weekly therapy? No pressure. Book a low-commitment intro call. You’ll walk away with clarity and a plan—and yes, it counts toward future sessions or trauma intensives. [Book now]

Common Questions

Why can't I leave my toxic partner?

Because your body is wired for survival. Trauma bonds, low self-esteem, and fear of being alone can make leaving feel unsafe—even when it’s necessary.

Is it normal to feel attached to someone who hurts me?

Yes. Emotional abuse creates cycles of pain and reward that can feel addictive. It’s not love—it’s a trauma bond.

How does low self-esteem affect my relationship choices?

When you believe you’re not enough, you accept less than you deserve. You might chase validation instead of connection.

Can therapy help me break free from a toxic relationship?

Absolutely. Therapy helps you rebuild self-trust, spot patterns, and make empowered choices—even if you’re not ready to leave yet.

What are the signs of trauma bonding?

Extreme highs and lows, obsessive thoughts, craving their approval, and justifying harmful behavior are all signs you’re trauma bonded.

Let’s Talk Numbers (Because Facts Matter)

• “About 1 in 3 adults in the U.S. have experienced physical violence from a partner.” (Nutrition and Therapy)

• “Fear of being alone and low self-worth are common reasons people stay in toxic relationships.” (Psychology Today)

• “Financial dependence is a frequent barrier to leaving unhealthy dynamics.” (John Kenny Coaching)

You Don’t Need More Shame. You Need a Way Out.

You are not broken. You’re just stuck in a cycle you didn’t choose.

And you don’t have to stay in it.

Even if you’re not ready to walk away yet, you can start choosing yourself now. Start healing. Rebuild self-trust. Let go of toxic.

Download the Good Girl Detox. Book your intro call. You don’t have to do this alone.

If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!

Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy; it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey because you deserve to feel better sooner.

Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP

Identifying the Different Types of Toxic Relationships: A Guide to Recognizing and Breaking Free in Pittsburgh

Are you not sure if your relationships are healthy? In Pittsburgh, real connections matter. In this guide, we break down the signs of toxic relationships. Learn how to spot red flags, understand harmful patterns, and take steps to break free.

Understanding Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships steal your energy, they suck the life out of you and they hurt your self-worth. They can be in love, friendship, family, or work. These bonds hurt you mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically.

• Poor Communication: Many fights and no real talk.

• Control & Manipulation: One person makes all the decisions.

• Emotional Abuse: Constant criticism that leaves you feeling small.

Learn more from the CDC on Intimate Partner Violence.

Signs of a Toxic Relationship

It is hard to see problems when you care. But watch for these signs:

• Constant Criticism: They always put you down.

• Walking on Eggshells: You worry about every word.

• Lack of Boundaries: Your space and needs are not respected.

The American Psychological Association shares that many people face these issues.

Common Types of Toxic Relationships

Toxicity comes in different forms. Here are three common types:

1. The Manipulative Relationship:
   One person uses tricks like gaslighting and guilt to control you. They may switch between kindness and hurtful words.

2. The Overly Dependent Relationship:
   One partner relies too much on the other for support. This can make you feel smothered.

3. The Aggressive Relationship:
   This type shows real anger. It can include loud fights or even physical harm.

Read a study from the Journal of Family Violence for more on these patterns.

Impact on Mental Health

Toxic relationships can hurt your mind and heart. They can lead to:

• Anxiety & Depression: Feeling sad and worried a lot.

• Low Self-Esteem: You may begin to doubt your worth.

• Isolation: You might feel cut off from friends and family.

Research in the Journal of Clinical Psychology shows a strong link between toxic bonds and poor mental health.

Breaking Free and Healing

Leaving a toxic relationship is hard but needed. Here are some steps:

• Acknowledge the Problem: Know that the hurt is not your fault.

• Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends, family, or local Pittsburgh counselors.

• Plan Your Exit: Set clear boundaries and take small steps away from the harm.

• Practice Self-Care: Enjoy simple things like walks in Pittsburgh parks or a favorite hobby.

A report from Allegheny County shows a 12% rise in domestic violence calls, so local help is key.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What are the signs of a toxic relationship?
Look for constant criticism, feeling like you must tiptoe around, and a lack of respect for your space. These signs show that the relationship may be hurting you.

2. How can I tell if my relationship is toxic?
If you often feel sad, anxious, or alone after spending time with someone, it is a warning sign. Trust your feelings—if something feels wrong, it probably is.

3. What types of toxic relationships exist?
They can be manipulative, overly dependent, or aggressive. Each type hurts you in different ways, but all harm your well-being.

4. How do toxic relationships affect my mental health?
They can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and isolation. These issues make it hard to enjoy life and connect with others.

5. What can I do to break free from a toxic relationship?
Start by acknowledging the problem. Then, seek support from loved ones or local professionals. Set firm boundaries and focus on self-care to help you heal.

Embrace a Healthier Future in Pittsburgh

Breaking free from toxic relationships is the first step to reclaiming your happiness. In our close-knit Pittsburgh community, you deserve respect and love. By recognizing the signs, seeking help, and setting clear boundaries, you can build a future filled with genuine, uplifting connections. Remember, your well-being matters. You have the power to choose healthier, happier relationships.

If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!

Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.

Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP

The Silent Treatment in Pittsburgh: How to Cope When a Narcissist Ignores You

In Pittsburgh, a city known for its resilient spirit and tight-knit community, facing emotional manipulation can feel isolating. When a narcissist gives you the silent treatment, it’s like speaking into a void, a tactic designed to control and confuse. This guide offers practical strategies to help you regain your strength, set healthy boundaries, and find local support in the Steel City.

What Is the Silent Treatment?

The silent treatment is not a moment of quiet. It is a deliberate act of emotional manipulation. Narcissists use silence to control and punish. They withhold communication to make you question your self-worth and feel abandoned.

• Control Mechanism: Withholding words to maintain power.

• Emotional Impact: Triggers anxiety, self-doubt, and isolation.

• Local Connection: Even in Pittsburgh, where community matters, this tactic can leave you disconnected.

Read more by going to the National Domestic Violence Hotline Statistics website for more information.

How Can I Recognize Narcissistic Behavior?

Understanding narcissistic traits empowers you to protect yourself. Look for these common behaviors:

• Self-Centeredness: They always put their needs first.

• Lack of Empathy: Your feelings are often dismissed.

• Manipulation Tactics: Expect gaslighting and emotional blackmail.

• Cycle of Idealization and Devaluation: Praise one moment, dismiss the next.

A 2021 study (Journal of Family Violence) shows that nearly 60% of victims identify the silent treatment as a key tactic.

How does the Silent Treatment impact you?

The effects of being ignored can run deep:

• Emotional Scars: Repeated rejection may lead to anxiety, depression, or PTSD.

• Communication Breakdown: Silence stops healthy dialogue and creates more emotional distance in your relationship.

• Future Relationships: The pain from this relationship makes trust and connection harder.

A report from the Allegheny County Domestic Violence Prevention Initiative noted a 12% increase in domestic violence-related calls in Pittsburgh over the past three years.

Coping Strategies for Pittsburgh Residents

When coping with the silent treatment, practical self-care and local support are key. Try these steps:

Acknowledge Your Feelings

• Validate Yourself: The silence is a manipulation tactic, not a measure of your worth.

• Journaling: Write down your thoughts to process your emotions.

Establish a Daily Routine

• Stay Active: Enjoy Pittsburgh’s scenic parks and trails.

• Pursue Hobbies: Engage in art, music, or local events to lift your spirits.

Practice Mindfulness and Self-Care

• Mindfulness Techniques: Try meditation, deep breathing, or yoga.

• Self-Care Rituals: Prioritize sleep, a healthy diet, and activities that nurture your soul.

A 2022 Journal of Clinical Psychology study shows mindfulness can reduce stress by up to 30%.

Set Firm Boundaries

• Define Your Limits: Clearly state what behavior you will not tolerate.

• Stand Firm: Consistent boundaries protect your self-esteem and mental health.

Finding Support in Pittsburgh

You are not alone. Pittsburgh offers many resources to help you heal:

• Counseling Centers: Local clinics specialize in trauma and relationship issues.

• Community Support Groups: Connect with others who understand your journey.

• Hotlines: Access immediate help through services like the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

• Or work directly with me because I get it, I’ve been here before.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q1: What is the silent treatment and why do narcissists use it?
A: The silent treatment is a control tactic. Narcissists withhold communication to punish and manipulate, leaving you questioning your worth.

Q2: How can I cope with a narcissist’s silent treatment?
A: Start by acknowledging your feelings and practicing self-care. Build a routine, use mindfulness techniques, and set clear boundaries to protect your well-being.

Q3: What are the key signs of narcissistic behavior?
A: Look for self-centeredness, a lack of empathy, manipulation tactics, and a cycle of idealization followed by devaluation.

Q4: How do I set healthy boundaries with a narcissist?
A: Communicate your limits clearly. Stand firm on what behavior you won’t accept. Consistency is essential for protecting your mental health.

Q5: Where can I find local help in Pittsburgh for emotional abuse?
A: Pittsburgh has many local counseling centers and support groups. You can also access immediate help through the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Moving Forward: Healing and Growth

Healing is a journey. Reflect on your experiences and learn what you need for healthier relationships. Invest in yourself by exploring new hobbies, continuing your education, or joining community activities. Set clear intentions for what respect and communication mean to you. Every step builds a stronger, more resilient you.

Reclaim Your Power in the Steel City

Coping with a narcissist’s silent treatment is challenging, but here in Pittsburgh, you’re supported by a caring community. Recognize the signs, practice self-care, set firm boundaries, and seek the help you deserve. Your silence does not define you—your strength does. Embrace Pittsburgh’s support and step confidently into a future where you are respected, heard, and valued.

If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!

Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.

Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP

Radical Self-Love: How to Stop Apologizing for Your Existence and Embrace Who You Are

In a world that constantly tells us we're not enough—not thin enough, successful enough, or lovable—it's easy to fall into patterns of self-doubt. But what if the real problem isn't you? What if the issue is the unrealistic expectations society places on you?

Enter radical self-love—the unapologetic act of accepting yourself exactly as you are. Inspired by The Body Is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor, this approach challenges the belief that you need to change to be worthy. Your body is not an apology. Your existence is not something that needs to be justified.

Whether you're struggling with self-esteem, battling negative body image, or looking for therapy for self-worth, this blog will help you break free from the cycle of self-criticism and start embracing yourself fully.

What Is Radical Self-Love?

Radical self-love is more than self-care—it's a mindset shift. It's the difference between treating yourself with occasional kindness and fully committing to loving yourself unapologetically.

Sonya Renee Taylor's The Body Is Not an Apology book and audiobook explores this philosophy, encouraging us to reject society's harmful beauty standards and embrace ourselves without guilt. But what does radical self-love look like in practice?

Signs You're Embracing Radical Self-Love:

1. You stop seeing your body as a "before" and "after" project.

2. You set boundaries without guilt.

3. You challenge negative self-talk and replace it with compassion.

4. You stop apologizing for taking up space—physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Rather than constantly striving for perfection, self-love means acknowledging that your worth isn't tied to your appearance, productivity, or how much you do for others.

A staggering 85% of the American population struggles with low self-esteem, according to a 2017 NBC report, highlighting the widespread need for radical self-love practices.

Why Self-Love Feels So Hard (And How Therapy Can Help)

Let's be honest—self-love isn't always easy. If you've spent years internalizing messages that your body, success, or personality aren't enough, reversing that mindset takes work. That's where therapy for self-worth comes in.

A trauma-informed therapist (hey, that's me!) can help you unpack these deep-seated beliefs and shift the way you see yourself. In our work together, we explore:

Where your self-doubt comes from – Maybe it's childhood experiences, toxic relationships, or a never-ending cycle of perfectionism.

How to unlearn harmful beliefs – Using frameworks like radical self-love, we challenge the idea that you must "fix" yourself.

Practical tools to build self-esteem – We work on reclaiming your worth from boundary-setting to self-compassion exercises.

Research confirms that higher levels of self-compassion correlate strongly with improved psychological well-being, including increased happiness, optimism, and social connectedness.

If you've ever found yourself thinking, I'll love myself when I lose weight, get that promotion, when I'm finally in a healthy relationship…, it's time to rewrite that script. Your body is not an apology, and your self-worth is not conditional.

Breaking Free from Self-Doubt: A Daily Radical Self-Love Checklist

Want to start practicing self-love but don't know where to begin? Here's a checklist to help you shift your mindset:

Affirm Yourself Daily: Use The Body Is Not an Apology quotes or create affirmations. (Example: I am worthy as I am.)

Unfollow Toxic Content: If social media makes you feel bad about yourself, it's time to hit that unfollow button.

Speak Kindly to Yourself: Pay attention to how you talk about your body, achievements, and emotions.

Engage in Radical Self-Care: Not just bubble baths—think therapy, setting boundaries, and resting without guilt.

Educate Yourself on Self-Love: Read books that help with self-love, like Sonya Renee Taylor's The Body Is Not an Apology.

People who cultivate high self-compassion enjoy 26% lower stress levels and 24% less burnout than others.

5 Common Questions About Radical Self-Love

1. What does radical self-love mean?

Radical self-love is the profound, unconditional acceptance of oneself. It involves recognizing your inherent worth, embracing all aspects of who you are, and challenging societal norms that dictate how you should look or behave. This concept encourages unlearning toxic beliefs and fostering self-compassion. (withinhealth.com)

2. What is the difference between radical self-love and self-love?

While self-love involves appreciating and caring for oneself, radical self-love delves deeper. It challenges systemic biases and societal standards, advocating for a complete and unapologetic embrace of oneself. Radical self-love transforms personal and collective mindsets to foster genuine acceptance and love for all bodies. (withinhealth.com, loveintently.com)

3. How can I practice radical self-love daily?

Incorporating radical self-love into your daily routine involves:

• Setting Boundaries: Protect your energy by saying no to things that don't serve your wellbeing.

• Positive Self-Talk: Replace negative thoughts with affirmations that reflect your true worth.

• Engaging in Self-Care: Participate in activities that nurture your body and mind, such as reading empowering literature or enjoying a peaceful walk.

Self-love significantly reduces psychological distress, with higher levels of self-compassion directly linked to fewer mental health problems.

Finding a Therapist in Pittsburgh, PA, to Support Your Self-Love Journey

If you're in Pittsburgh, PA, and struggling with self-worth, self-esteem, or body image issues, therapy can be a game-changer. As a trauma-informed therapist, I help high-achieving individuals heal from toxic relationships, self-doubt, and burnout.

CDC data shows that 30% of Americans deal with anxiety disorders, and 20.4% experience chronic pain, conditions that can be addressed through self-love practices.

You don't have to navigate this journey alone. Whether you're looking for virtual therapy in Pennsylvania or in-person support in Pittsburgh, I'm here to help you reclaim your worth.

Ready to Stop Apologizing for Existing? Let's Work Together.

You deserve to feel confident, whole, and unapologetically yourself. If you're ready to prioritize self-love, I invite you to take the first step.

Book a Free Consultation, and let's start your journey toward radical self-love today.

Your body is not an apology, and your life does not need justification. Let's build self-worth that doesn't depend on external validation.

If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!

Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.

Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP

Healing from Toxic Relationships in Pittsburgh: A Compassionate Guide to Recovery

In Pittsburgh, strong, caring relationships are at the heart of our community. Yet, toxic relationships happen and they can hurt us deeply and leave lasting scars. When love shifts into control and care turns into pain, the impact can affect every part of your life. This guide is designed to help you spot the signs, learn how to heal, and find the local support you need right here in the Steel City.

What Are Toxic Relationships?

Toxic relationships happen when one person controls or harms the other. These harmful connections often show themselves through:

• Constant Criticism: Hurtful comments that chip away at your self-esteem.

• Emotional Neglect: A lack of the care and support you deserve.

• Manipulation: Guilt-tripping or influencing you to act against your best interests.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), nearly 1 in 4 women face severe partner violence. Recognizing these signs is the first step to breaking free and reclaiming your happiness.

Spotting the Warning Signs

Sometimes the signs are subtle, but your feelings matter. If you often leave an interaction feeling tired, sad, or unimportant, it might be a red flag. Consider these key indicators:

• Too Much Negativity: When negative moments outweigh the positive.

• Guilt Trips: When you’re made to feel responsible for another's feelings.

• Lack of Respect: When your thoughts and feelings are routinely ignored.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline reports that over 50% of survivors face long-term issues like anxiety and depression. Recognizing these red flags is vital for building a healthier future.

How Toxic Relationships Hurt Your Health

Living in a toxic relationship can affect both your mind and body. Here’s how:

• Mental Stress: Ongoing anxiety and depression may develop over time.

• Physical Pain: Constant stress can lead to sleep loss, fatigue, and even chronic pain.

• Social Isolation: You might pull away from friends and community, which is especially hard in a tight-knit city like Pittsburgh.

Studies show that long-term stress from toxic relationships can lead to serious health issues.

How Toxic Relationships Cause Trauma

The cycle of hurt can lead to deep emotional wounds. Over time, you may find yourself:

• Always on Edge: Constantly fearing the next hurtful moment.

• Struggling with PTSD: A study in the Journal of Clinical Psychology found that victims of chronic emotional abuse are about 2.5 times more likely to develop PTSD.

• Losing Trust: Feeling unsafe and unable to trust others, making new relationships challenging.

These effects show why it’s essential to seek help and begin the healing process.

Your Road to Recovery in Pittsburgh

Healing is a journey, and every step counts. Here’s how to begin:

1. Get Local Professional Help

Pittsburgh offers many local counselors and mental health experts. Consider therapies like:

• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): To change harmful thought patterns. Work with Megan, who specializes in CBT by clicking this link.

• Trauma-Focused Therapy: To help you work through deep emotional wounds. Work with me by clicking this link.

2. Find Your Support Group

A caring community makes a big difference. Join:

• Support Groups: Meet others who understand your journey. Follow me on IG for more education and support.

• Local Workshops: Participate in events that help build resilience.

3. Practice Daily Self-Care

Self-care is essential for recovery. Try these simple strategies:

• Stay Active: Enjoy Pittsburgh’s parks and trails for a natural boost.

• Practice Mindfulness: Try yoga, meditation, or deep breathing exercises.

• Express Yourself: Write, draw, or play music to let your feelings out.

4. Set Healthy Boundaries

After leaving a toxic relationship, learn to set clear rules for yourself. Speak up for your needs and say “no” when necessary.

Did you know that the overall economic cost of domestic violence in the United States exceeds $8.3 billion each year? This figure covers healthcare, legal fees, and lost work. Learn more on the CDC Violence Prevention page.

Local Pittsburgh Resources for Healing

Help is close at hand. A recent report from the Allegheny County Domestic Violence Prevention Initiative noted a 12% increase in domestic violence-related calls in the past three years. Local resources include:

• Counseling Centers: Pittsburgh clinics that specialize in trauma recovery.

• Community Programs: Nonprofits offering support groups and crisis intervention.

• Hotlines: The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7.

Check out the Pittsburgh community events page by clicking here.

Frequently Asked Questions About Toxic Relationships

1. What are the common signs of a toxic relationship?
They often include constant criticism, neglect, and manipulation. If you feel drained or sad after time spent with someone, these may be warning signs. (See the "Spotting the Warning Signs" section above.)

2. How can I heal from trauma caused by toxic relationships?
Begin by admitting you need help. In Pittsburgh, you can find counseling, support groups, and self-care practices to aid recovery.

3. What are the long-term effects on mental health?
They can lead to chronic anxiety, depression, and even PTSD. Studies show these risks are very real. (Check our reference from the Journal of Clinical Psychology.)

4. What local help is available in Pittsburgh?
The city offers counseling centers, community programs, and hotlines like the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Local nonprofits also provide extra support.

5. How do I set healthy boundaries after leaving a toxic relationship?
Reflect on your needs, speak up, and practice saying “no.” This helps you protect your emotional space and rebuild trust. (See our "Set Healthy Boundaries" tips above.)

A Brighter Future in Pittsburgh

The pain from toxic relationships can run deep, but healing is within reach. By learning the signs, seeking help, and practicing self-care, you can overcome the past and build a brighter future. In a caring city like Pittsburgh, you’re never alone.

You deserve relationships that uplift you. Start your healing journey today, and let the strength of Pittsburgh guide you to a happier tomorrow.

Now what?

If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!

Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.

Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP

Busy Schedule? Here's Why Therapy Intensives Might Be Perfect for You

Are you emotionally exhausted from toxic cycles and a never-ending schedule? Finding time for traditional weekly therapy can seem impossible in our busy lives. But that doesn't mean you have to sacrifice healing. Therapy intensives might be just what you need to make meaningful progress, without rearranging your entire life. You can learn more about my intensive process by clicking here or reading this blog.

Intensive trauma therapy near me. Virtual appointments in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia and across Pennsylvania.

Why Traditional Weekly Therapy May Not Fit

Weekly therapy sessions require steady, ongoing time that many of us simply don't have. It can be hard to commit to regular appointments for busy women juggling work, family, and toxic relationship dynamics. Sometimes, you need deep healing and progress fast. When your schedule is packed, you deserve a more flexible solution that works around your life, not the other way around.

What Are Therapy Intensives?

Therapy intensives are concentrated sessions designed to deliver deep support quickly. Instead of meeting for an hour each week, you might have one or two sessions that last 3-5 hours each. This focused time allows you to quickly get into your challengesle insights and gain valuab. It's like getting a potent therapy dose when you need it most.

Benefits of Therapy Intensives for Busy Women

For women caught in toxic cycles or demanding relationships, therapy intensives offer:

• Flexibility: Get deep healing in one or two sessions without missing work or family time.

• Efficiency: Address deep-seated issues like burnout, anxiety, or relationship struggles quickly.

• Tailored Support: Focus on your unique challenges with an approach that respects your busy schedule.

• Immediate Tools: Walk away with practical strategies to manage stress and navigate toxic dynamics.

Suppose you're overwhelmed by work, family, or the weight of a toxic relationship. In that case, intensives can help you regain control and rebuild your self-worth without a long-term commitment.

Real-Life Benefits

Imagine this: You're juggling a demanding job and a turbulent home life. Traditional therapy seems too slow and hard to fit in. With therapy intensives, you can focus on your core issues in just a few extended sessions. You might tackle burnout head-on, learn to manage anxiety, and even gain new insights into toxic patterns in your relationships. You can set the stage for lasting change and healthier habits quickly.

Learn more about my therapy intensives.

So, now what?

Are you ready to make meaningful progress without sacrificing hours of your precious time each week? Therapy intensives might be the perfect fit for your busy schedule. Schedule a free consultation today to discover how this powerful approach can help you break free from toxic cycles and reclaim your life.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What exactly are therapy intensives?

A: Therapy intensives are longer, focused sessions that allow you to work through deep issues in just one or two sessions instead of weekly meetings. This is perfect for busy people who need fast, effective healing.

2. How do therapy intensives work?

A: In an intensive session, you spend 3-5 hours with your therapist, diving deep into your challenges. This concentrated time helps you quickly uncover and address core issues, giving you actionable insights and tools to move forward.

3. Who can benefit from therapy intensives?

A: Busy professionals, exhausted women, and anyone caught in toxic cycles or relationships can benefit. If you're struggling to find time for weekly therapy and need immediate progress, intensives might be right for you.

4. Can therapy intensives help with burnout and anxiety?

A: Yes, intensives are designed to address issues like burnout, anxiety, and relationship struggles. By focusing on these problems in a concentrated way, you can learn effective coping strategies quickly.

5. How do I know if a therapy intensive is right for me?

A: If your schedule is packed and you feel overwhelmed by the slow pace of traditional therapy, a therapy intensive might offer the flexibility and depth you need. It's a powerful way to jumpstart your healing process without long-term commitments.

A Powerful, Flexible Path to Healing

In a world where time is precious, therapy intensives offer a flexible, efficient way to achieve deep healing. For emotionally exhausted women navigating toxic cycles and demanding schedules, this focused approach provides immediate tools and insights to break free and rebuild your life. In Pittsburgh and across Pennsylvania, you deserve a healing path that fits your life. Embrace therapy intensives and reclaim your peace today.

Intensive trauma therapist near me. Virtual appointments in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia and across Pennsylvania.

If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!

Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.

Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP

The Science Behind Trauma: How Trauma Impacts the Brain in Pittsburgh and Across Pennsylvania

Are you curious about how trauma impacts the brain? In Pittsburgh and across Pennsylvania, knowing how trauma changes your brain can empower you to heal and grow. This guide breaks down the science of trauma in simple, straightforward language. Let’s explore how trauma affects memory, emotions, and decision-making—and learn how you can take charge of your healing journey.

What Is Trauma and How Does It Impact the Brain?

Trauma is a strong, painful reaction to a distressing event. It doesn’t just hurt your feelings—it rewires your brain. When you experience trauma, your brain’s natural systems go into overdrive.

• Fight-or-Flight Response: Your amygdala, the emotion center, becomes active, making you feel scared or on edge.

• Memory Changes: The hippocampus, which helps form and recall memories, may shrink with stress.

• Impaired Decision-Making: Your prefrontal cortex, which helps with thinking and planning, may slow down.

Research shows that trauma can rewire the brain, causing changes in structure and function (read more).

The Neurobiological Effects of Trauma

Trauma changes how your brain works by altering its wiring and chemicals.

• Neural Rewiring: Trauma can change the way brain cells connect. Studies suggest that neural pathways shift in up to 70% of trauma survivors.

• Chemical Imbalances: Stress hormones like cortisol and norepinephrine may stay high, upsetting your mood. Long-term changes in these chemicals are found in over 60% of individuals with PTSD.

How Trauma Impacts Memory and Cognition

Trauma can make it hard to remember things and think clearly.

• Fragmented Memories: Trauma can break up memories, so they don’t flow well. Research shows a 15% reduction in hippocampal volume in traumatized brains.

• Cognitive Impairment: Many survivors find it hard to concentrate or make decisions. Studies report that nearly 50% of individuals with PTSD have deficits in verbal memory.

Trauma’s Influence on Emotional Regulation

Trauma also affects how you handle your emotions.

• Heightened Emotions: Trauma may lead to intense feelings like fear, anger, or sadness.

• Emotional Numbness: Some people feel detached or empty after trauma.

• Unhealthy Coping: These shifts can lead to avoidance or other harmful habits.

Data shows that the brain areas processing emotional regulation can be significantly altered by trauma.

Healing in Pittsburgh and Across Pennsylvania

Trauma is a community issue in Pittsburgh and throughout Pennsylvania. Local organizations, healthcare providers, and support groups are here to help you heal.

• Local Resources: Find trauma recovery centers and therapy groups in our Steel City.

• Collective Healing: Embracing trauma-informed care can build a stronger, healthier community.

Discover local trauma recovery resources

Frequently Asked Questions

1. How does trauma impact the brain?

A: Trauma rewires the brain by triggering the fight-or-flight response, which changes areas like the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex. This affects memory, emotions, and decision-making.

2. How does childhood trauma impact the brain?

A: Childhood trauma can be especially harmful because a young brain is still developing. It may lead to a smaller hippocampus and an overactive amygdala, causing long-term memory and emotional control challenges.

3. Can childhood trauma cause brain damage?

A: While childhood trauma doesn’t cause physical brain damage like an injury, it can lead to significant changes in brain structure and function that impact learning, memory, and emotion over time.

4. How does childhood trauma impact the brain differently than adult trauma?

A: Childhood trauma occurs during critical periods of brain development, which can lead to lasting effects on memory, emotional regulation, and cognitive function, often more severe than trauma experienced in adulthood.

5. Can childhood trauma cause brain fog?

A: Yes, many survivors of childhood trauma report brain fog. This includes difficulty concentrating and remembering details, likely due to brain structure and function changes.

Understanding How Trauma Impacts the Brain

Understanding how trauma impacts the brain is the first step toward healing. In Pittsburgh and across Pennsylvania, this knowledge empowers you to seek help and build a brighter future. I genuinely want the best for you! With insights into how trauma alters memory, emotion, and decision-making, you can work with local professionals to restore balance and resilience. I’d love to work with you, and I’m happy to see if we would be an excellent fit for therapy.

Take that first step today. Your journey toward recovery starts with understanding.

If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!

Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.

Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP

Exploring Your Inner World with Internal Family Systems Therapy in Pittsburgh

Are you curious about your inner self? Here in Pittsburgh, we know that understanding your inner world can help you heal and grow. Our beginner’s guide to Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy shows you how to listen to the different parts of your mind. Let’s take a journey toward self-awareness, healing, and a brighter future together.

What Is Internal Family Systems Therapy?

IFS Therapy looks at your mind as if it were a family. Every person has many "parts"—small voices that hold feelings, thoughts, and memories. Some parts protect you, while others carry old hurt or fear. By learning to listen to these parts, you build balance and inner peace.

• Exiles: These parts hold painful memories.

• Managers: They work to keep you safe.

• Firefighters: They step in when feelings get too strong.

Learn more about IFS Therapy by exploring my page to understand how I use this in my therapy sessions.

What are the key principles of IFS?

IFS is built on simple, clear ideas:

• Your Core Self: Your true self is kind, calm, and wise.

• Multiplicity: We all have many parts that work together.

• Non-Judgment: IFS teaches us to see every part as helpful, not bad.

By reconnecting with your core self, you can treat all your parts with love and curiosity.

What are the benefits of IFS Therapy?

IFS Therapy offers real benefits, especially for our Pittsburgh community:

• Self-Compassion: Learn to be gentle with yourself.

• Healing from Trauma: Safely face and heal old wounds.

• Better Relationships: Understand your inner world to connect with others.

• Improved Emotional Health: Lower anxiety and depression by embracing all your parts.

Check out about me or my colleague Megan, both of us use IFS in our sessions because we see the power it has in trauma work.

What is the recent research on IFS Therapy?

Recent studies show IFS Therapy makes a difference:

• Approximately 73% of participants attended 12 or more sessions in an online group-based IFS program for PTSD, with 92% recommending it, and a significant drop in PTSD symptoms (read more).

• In a public healthcare system, after 16 weeks of IFS sessions, participants showed improved self-compassion and emotion regulation (read more).

• IFS offers a way to heal toxic relationships by helping those with controlling behaviors find change (read more).

• As of April 2024, nearly 45,764 psychotherapists on PsychologyToday.com reported using IFS in their practice(read more).

• Ongoing research funded by the Foundation for Self Leadership shows promising results in treating PTSD and substance use with IFS (read more).

How does IFS differ from other therapies?

IFS is unique because it sees your mind as many parts working together instead of one single self. Unlike other therapies:

• Empowerment: You become the leader of your inner family.

• Compassion: IFS helps you understand your feelings without judgment.

• Self-Discovery: You explore your inner world at your own pace.

This approach puts you in control of your healing journey.

What are the techniques and tools in IFS?

IFS uses practical tools you can use every day:

• Parts Work: Identify and speak with your inner parts.

• Visualization: Use simple images to see your parts clearly.

• Mindfulness: Stay present and observe your thoughts without judgment.

How does IFS help Self-Healing and Growth?

You can use IFS techniques in your daily life:

• Journal Your Thoughts: Write down your feelings and insights.

• Pause in Stressful Moments: Notice which part is speaking and ask, "What do you need?"

• Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself kindly as you learn and grow.

How do I find an IFS Therapist in Pittsburgh?

If you need extra support, find a local IFS practitioner by:

• Searching Online: Use trusted directories for licensed therapists.

• Asking for Referrals: Talk to friends, family, or your doctor.

• Scheduling Consultations: Meet with a few to see who fits your needs.

Check out about me or my colleague Megan, both of us use IFS in our sessions because we see the power it has in trauma work. We see clients in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia and across Pennsylvania via telehealth.

Case Studies and Success Stories

IFS Therapy has changed lives in Pittsburgh. One dedicated lawyer, for example, learned to manage her anxiety, perfectionism, and overworking by nurturing her wounded parts. By tuning in to her inner Manager and letting go of unrealistic expectations, she found a balanced approach to her demanding career and personal well-being. Her journey shows that even the busiest professionals can heal and thrive when they embrace every part of themselves.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What is Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy?
A: IFS Therapy sees your mind as a family of parts. It helps you understand each part so you can heal old wounds and find balance.

2. How can IFS help me heal from trauma and toxic relationships?
A: By working with your inner parts, IFS helps you face pain and build self-compassion. This reduces trauma symptoms and improves emotional health.

3. How does IFS differ from other therapies?
A: IFS treats your mind as many parts working together rather than one single self. This lets you explore your inner world with kindness and control your healing journey.

4. Can I practice IFS on my own?
A: Yes, you can use journaling, visualization, and mindfulness at home. But working with a trained IFS practitioner can give you extra support.

5. Where can I find an IFS practitioner in Pittsburgh?
A: Look for qualified IFS therapists in local directories, ask for referrals, or visit our resource page to find a practitioner near you.

Embrace Your Inner World and Grow

Exploring your inner world with IFS Therapy can transform your life. In Pittsburgh, Philadelphia and across Pennslvania you are part of a supportive community that believes in healing and growth. By understanding your inner parts, practicing self-compassion, and seeking help when needed, you can unlock lasting happiness and peace.

Take the first step today. Your journey to self-discovery and healing begins now.

If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!

Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.

Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP

The Shocking Reason You Keep Returning to Toxic Relationships (And How Trauma Therapy Can Save You!)

Table of Contents

1. Why Do I Keep Going Back to Toxic Relationships?

2. Is Narcissistic Abuse Part of the Problem?

3. High-Achieving Individuals and Toxic Patterns

4. How Can Online Trauma Therapy Help Break the Cycle?

5. Recent Statistics and Data Points

6. Actionable Steps and Takeaways

7. Frequently Asked Questions

8. Conclusion: Your Next Step Toward Healing

Let’s understand why…

Have you ever wondered, “Why do I keep going back to toxic relationships?” I know that feeling all too well, like being trapped on a roller coaster of pain and hope. Even when you’re successful at work, hidden wounds can make it hard to choose healthy love. In my work with high-achieving clients, I’ve seen how complex trauma often lies beneath the surface. In my intensive sessions, I help professionals look at these hidden patterns and create meaningful, real lasting change. Today, I’m excited to share research-backed insights and actionable tips on breaking this cycle through online trauma therapy.

Learn more about me by clicking here or learn more about my services by clicking here.

Why Do I Keep Going Back to Toxic Relationships?

What Is Trauma Bonding and How Does It Work?

Trauma bonding occurs when you form a deep, unhealthy connection with someone who hurts you. Imagine riding a roller coaster that’s both scary and oddly comforting, you keep coming back even though you know the ride hurts.

Trauma bonding is the emotional glue that keeps you attached to someone who repeatedly harms you, creating a confusing mix of pain and hope.

How does IFS therapy help heal trauma?
When you find yourself drawn back to a toxic relationship, even after hurtful experiences, there’s often an internal struggle happening beneath the surface. In Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, we explore these different “parts” of you, because the pull you feel isn’t just about the relationship, it’s about something deeper.

Actionable Step: Start a journal, but instead of just tracking events, try this:

1. Pause & Notice – When you feel unusually attached, ask yourself: What part of me is feeling this pull? Does it feel like a younger version of me who is afraid of being alone? A part that believes love must be earned?

2. Write it Down – Describe the moment: What happened? What did that part of you believe in that moment? Was it seeking comfort, safety, or approval?

3. Get Curious, Not Judgmental – Instead of criticizing yourself for returning to this pattern, approach these parts with compassion. “Of course, this part of me wants connection. It makes sense.”

What this looks like in therapy with me: Together, we slow things down and gently explore these parts of you, not to judge them, but to help them feel seen, heard, and ultimately healed.

If you are looking for deep, transformational work like I just outlined you should schedule your FREE 15-minute consult with me to see if I could be the right therapist for you. I offer virtual trauma therapy in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia and across Pennsylvania. This is the work I am passionate about!

Could Hidden Emotional Wounds Be the Reason?

Sometimes, old emotional wounds make you think pain is normal. You might unknowingly repeat patterns because you’re trying to fill a void left by past hurts. For example,

A close friend kept returning to a partner who mistreated her because she believed, deep down, she didn’t deserve better.

Meeting the part of you that feels unworthy through IFS therapy:

If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, Do I even deserve real love?, that’s not your whole truth, it’s a part of you speaking. In IFS therapy, we explore these parts with curiosity, not judgment.

Try This:
When that thought shows up, pause and ask:

• What part of me believes I’m unworthy of love?

• When did this part first show up?

• What is it afraid will happen if I believe I deserve better?

This part isn’t the enemy, it’s likely protecting you from past hurt. In therapy, we help these parts feel seen and supported, so they no longer have to run the show.

What this looks like in therapy with me: We gently unpack these beliefs, so you can lead with self, your grounded, confident inner leader, rather than old wounds.

Is Narcissistic Abuse Part of the Problem?

What Are the Signs of Narcissistic Abuse?

Narcissistic abuse can be subtle yet damaging. Look for signs like gaslighting, manipulation, and feelings of constant diminishment.

Signs of narcissistic abuse include manipulation, gaslighting, and a persistent feeling of being unimportant after conversations.

Recognizing the Parts That Feel Confused or Small

When you feel confused or belittled in a relationship, it's not just about the moment, it’s about what it activates inside you. In IFS therapy, we look at the parts of you that have learned to tolerate this dynamic, often from past wounds.

Try This:

• Write down moments when you felt dismissed, criticized, or doubted your own reality.

• Ask: What part of me felt small in that moment?

• Get curious: Has this feeling shown up in past relationships, or even childhood?

What this looks like in therapy with me: We gently explore these moments, giving your inner parts the validation and clarity they never received. Instead of questioning yourself, you’ll learn to trust your gut and reclaim your voice.

How Does Narcissistic Abuse Create a Cycle?

The pain from narcissistic abuse can create a desperate need for approval. The occasional praise, even if rare, can pull you back into the cycle. Educate yourself about these patterns and consider professional help to break free from the cycle. If you want to learn more you should explore this article "How to Spot Narcissistic Abuse," Darlene Lancer explains that "narcissists use destructive defense mechanisms that destroy relationships and cause pain and damage to their loved ones."

High-Achieving Individuals and Toxic Patterns

Why Do Successful People Still Struggle in Love?

It’s a common paradox: high-achieving individuals can excel at work yet struggle in relationships. The pressure to be perfect often makes you vulnerable to unhealthy patterns.

I once worked with a client who, despite her career success, kept falling into toxic relationships. Her fear of vulnerability and perfectionism masked deep, complex trauma. Through intensive sessions designed specifically for her, she learned to embrace her imperfections and build healthier connections. We did a deep exploration of her pattern in a 90-minute assessment and I built a custom treatment plan to work on that specific pattern or belief in her intensive. She walked away with greater insight and real tools to help her change her old patterns as she moved forward. Remember, healing is not linear. It is a continious journey.

Reflect on whether your drive for perfection is causing you to settle for less in love. Embrace vulnerability as a strength.

If this is the kind of change you are looking for, deep long-lasting change, schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me so we can talk about making a custom treatment plan for you.

Unique Guidance for High-Achievers

In my intensives, I help professionals understand hidden complex trauma that often goes unnoticed. Together, we break it down, understand the barriers that prevent genuine connection and you walk away with real tools to make meaningful change.

Imagine bringing your whole self into your relationships, success, vulnerability, and all, leading to more balanced and fulfilling love.

How Can Online Trauma Therapy Help Break the Cycle?

What Makes Online Therapy a Game-Changer?

Online trauma therapy offers a safe, flexible, and private way to start healing, no matter where you live, ideal for residents of Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and across Pennsylvania.

Online trauma therapy provides accessible, confidential, and effective care that fits into even the busiest schedules. The best part, you can do virtual therapy from the comfort of your space. That means comfy clothes, a candle, coffee and a blanket. I love for my clients to be comfortable when connecting with me.

Research online therapy options and read reviews to find a service that feels right for you.

What Are Some Actionable Steps You Can Take Today?

1. Recognize the Cycle: Document the moments when you feel drawn back into toxic relationships.

2. Identify Triggers: Pinpoint what feelings or events lead to harmful patterns.

3. Take a Small Step: Schedule an online therapy session or try a self-help exercise this week. You can schedule a free consult with me directly on my website and be seen as soon as this week! Want to learn more about what trauma intensives are? Read my article.

Recent Statistics and Data Points

• Cycle of Abuse:
  Nearly 40% of individuals who leave abusive relationships end up returning, largely due to trauma bonding.
  (Source: Journal of Interpersonal Violence)

• Narcissistic Abuse Prevalence:
  Approximately 1 in 5 people have encountered narcissistic behavior in close relationships, often facing long-term emotional impacts.
  (Source: Psychology Today)

• High-Achievers and Vulnerability:
  Surveys indicate that high-achieving individuals are 25% more likely to experience relationship dysfunction due to perfectionistic tendencies and fear of vulnerability.
  (Source: ResearchGate / Professional wellness surveys)

• Online Therapy Growth:
  Online trauma therapy services have surged by over 150% in the past three years, highlighting a growing need for accessible mental health care.
  (Source: American Psychological Association)

• Emotional Immaturity Impact:
  Emotionally immature individuals in relationships face 30% more unresolved conflicts, fueling repetitive toxic cycles.
  (Source: National Domestic Violence Hotline)

The numbers don’t lie, but neither do your gut feelings. If you recognize yourself in these stats, that’s your sign to stop Googling and start healing. Hit the consult button and let’s get to work.

Actionable Steps and Takeaways

1. Keep a Journal: Track your emotional responses after triggering interactions.

2. Identify Your Triggers: Write down specific moments when you feel drawn back into toxic patterns.

3. Reflect on Your Patterns: Ask yourself if past wounds or hidden trauma influence your choices.

4. Explore Online Therapy: If you’re in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, or anywhere in Pennsylvania, consider trying online trauma therapy.

5. Book a Free Consultation: Take that first step toward healing by scheduling a free consultation with an online trauma therapy. expert.

Frequently Asked Questions

Understanding the Cycle

Q: Why do I keep returning to toxic relationships even though I know they hurt me?
A: Often, it’s due to trauma bonding, a cycle where pain and hope mix, making it hard to let go. Start by keeping a journal to spot these patterns.

Q: What exactly is trauma bonding, and how can I recognize it in my life?
A: Trauma bonding is a deep, unhealthy attachment formed during cycles of abuse and reward. If you feel an intense pull even after repeated hurt, this may be what you’re experiencing.

Narcissistic Abuse

Q: How do I know if I’m dealing with narcissistic abuse in my relationship?
A: Look for signs like gaslighting, manipulation, and feeling constantly diminished. Trust your instincts—if something feels off, it likely is.

Q: What are the signs of subtle emotional manipulation?
A: They include masked criticism, isolation from loved ones, and unpredictable moods that leave you confused.

Therapy and Healing

Q: How can trauma therapy online help me break this cycle?
A: Online trauma therapy offers flexibility, privacy, and expert guidance, making it easier to work through past hurts from anywhere in Pennsylvania.

Q: What techniques in trauma therapy are most effective for overcoming emotional abuse?
A: Approaches such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), mindfulness practices, and guided self-reflection have proven effective and are tailored to your needs.

High-Achiever Concerns

Q: Are successful, high-achieving people more prone to toxic relationship patterns?
A: Yes. High-achievers often face immense pressure to be perfect, which can hide deep, complex trauma and lead to unhealthy relationship choices.

Q: How do perfectionism and high expectations contribute to relationship dysfunction?
A: They can make you fear vulnerability and settle for less-than-ideal relationships. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward healthier connections.

Practical Steps

Q: What are some actionable strategies to start healing right now?
A: Begin by journaling your feelings, identifying your triggers, and exploring online trauma therapy options. Small, consistent steps can lead to big changes.

What’s the next step?

Breaking free from toxic relationships starts with understanding why you return to them. By spotting a trauma bond, identifying signs of narcissistic abuse or a toxic relationship, and addressing the unique challenges of anxious adults, you can begin your journey toward healing. Online trauma therapy offers the flexibility, privacy, and expert support you need, whether you’re in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, or anywhere in Pennsylvania.

Take one step today. Reflect, journal your feelings, or book a free consultation. You deserve a future filled with healthy, balanced relationships. Let’s break free from toxic cycles together!

If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!

Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.

Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP

Men Experience Emotional Abuse Too (And You Might Be Ignoring the Signs)

High-achieving. Respected. In control. That’s how the world sees you. Manipulated. Dismissed. Emotionally drained. That’s what’s really happening behind closed doors.

If you’re reading this, something deep inside of you is questioning it:
"Is this really abuse? Can men even be emotionally abused? Should I just suck it up?"

Here’s the truth: Yes, men experience emotional abuse too, and just because you’re successful, logical, and self-sufficient doesn’t mean you’re immune to it.

“She’s all I have.”

That’s what one of my clients told me. A 6’3”, former college athlete, a guy who commanded respect the second he walked into a room. He had the kind of presence that made people move out of his way.

And yet, he was completely controlled by a woman who never laid a hand on him.

His girlfriend, on the outside, would scream at him over the phone, threaten to leave him if he didn’t send money, and hang up whenever he showed emotion. She made him feel like he was nothing without her.

I remember one call in particular. I was in my office when he came in, pacing, gripping his head like he was trying to squeeze out the thoughts that wouldn’t stop.

“She said she’s gonna find someone else. I can’t lose her, man. She’s all I have.”

This was a man who had been through everything, divorced parents, fights, losing family, trauma I can’t even begin to describe. But what broke him? Emotional abuse.

Being told he was worthless if he didn’t comply.
Being told he’d never find someone else who would “put up with him.”
Being manipulated into thinking she was the only one who cared.

And I realized, this happens way too often but it’s not talked about in regards to men being the victims.

Men are emotionally abused every day, but they don’t recognize it until it’s too late.

The Hidden Reality of Emotional Abuse in Men

Most men in toxic relationships don’t even realize they’re being abused.
Why? Because society has conditioned men to believe:

1. They’re supposed to be “the strong one”, so asking for help feels like weakness.

2. If they’re not being physically hurt, it’s not real abuse.

3. If they make six figures, have status, or run their own business, they should be able to “handle it.”

But emotional abuse doesn’t care about your job title, paycheck, or status. It erodes your self-worth slowly, until one day, you don’t even recognize yourself.

Men in emotionally abusive relationships are more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1 in 7 men will experience intimate partner violence, including emotional and psychological abuse. (Source)

And yet… so many suffer in silence.

5 Signs You’re in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship (That You’re Probably Ignoring)

1. You constantly feel like you’re failing, even though you’re doing everything right. She moves the goalposts, every time you meet an expectation, she changes the rules.

"You should have known what I needed." or "You’re lucky I even put up with you."

No matter how much you give, it’s never enough.

2. She downplays your accomplishments, but expects the world from you. She expects you to provide, be emotionally available, and make her happy… but when do you get that in return?

"Must be nice to have time to focus on your career." or "Oh wow, you think you’re so successful now?"

If your achievements feel more like a burden than a win, that’s a red flag.

3. She uses your emotions against you. The second you bring up a problem, the tables turn:

"Wow, so now you’re blaming me?"
"You’re too sensitive. You’re overreacting."
"If you really loved me, you wouldn’t bring this up."

You start questioning yourself instead of holding her accountable. That’s manipulation.

4. You feel more drained than loved. Instead of feeling recharged and supported, you feel:
Exhausted from the constant emotional chaos.
Like you can’t relax, even when she’s not around.
Disconnected from your own emotions because you’ve been suppressing them for so long.

Love isn’t supposed to deplete you.

5. You’re scared to leave, but not because you love her.
You’re scared of being alone.
You’re scared no one else will love you.
You’re scared of what she’ll do if you leave.

That’s not love. That’s control.

If this sounds like you, it’s time to stop minimizing your experience. You deserve better.

Why High-Achieving Men Get Stuck in Toxic Relationships

Most high-achieving men don’t recognize the abuse because they’re wired to problem-solve. You think if you just work harder, communicate better, or give more, things will change. You see the relationship as a challenge to fix, not a toxic cycle to break.

But you can’t outwork someone else’s lack of accountability.

A recent study from the American Psychological Association found that men in emotionally abusive relationships are more likely to suffer in silence due to fear of judgment. (Source)

Ready to Break the Cycle? Let’s Talk.

Men experience emotional abuse too. And ignoring it won’t make it go away.

You’ve been through enough. It’s time to heal.

📍 Book a free consult with a therapist who understands.
📍 Explore how trauma intensives can help you heal.
📍 Read more about emotional abuse and start reclaiming your power.

Because your mental health matters too.

FAQs

How do I know if I’m being emotionally abused?

If your relationship leaves you feeling confused, drained, or constantly blamed, that’s a sign. Emotional abuse isn’t always obvious, it often shows up as manipulation, guilt-tripping, or dismissing your emotions.

Can men really be victims of emotional abuse?

Yes. 1 in 7 men experience emotional abuse from a partner. The stigma makes it harder for men to recognize or admit it, but abuse doesn’t care about gender. (Source)

What should I do if I think I’m in a toxic relationship?
Acknowledge it. Seek support. Create an exit plan. You don’t have to leave immediately, but you do need to stop gaslighting yourself. Talking to a therapist can help you process what’s happening and take the next step.

Schedule a free consult if you need clarity.

If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!

Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.

Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP

Looking for a trauma therapist in Pennsylvania? Mariah J. Zur, LPC specializes in trauma therapy for men recovering from toxic relationships, narcissistic abuse, and emotional manipulation. Virtual trauma therapy sessions available for clients in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and throughout PA.

High-achieving men often overlook the signs of emotional abuse. If you constantly feel like you’re failing, walking on eggshells, or doubting your reality in a relationship, you might be experiencing psychological abuse. Therapy for men can help you rebuild confidence, set boundaries, and heal from toxic patterns.

Signs of emotional abuse in men include manipulation, guilt-tripping, stonewalling, and being made to feel like nothing you do is enough. If you're experiencing these, seeking trauma-informed therapy could be the next step toward healing.

Why You Miss Your Toxic Ex on Valentine’s Day (and How to Stop)

Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love, connection, and celebration. But if you're fresh out of a toxic relationship, it can feel like a gut punch. Instead of looking forward to flowers and dinner dates, you find yourself obsessing over someone who treated you like sh*t, but you still want them back.

You’re not crazy. You’re not weak. You’re human.

The emotional pull toward a toxic ex is powerful, and the pain is real. But the good news? You don’t have to stay stuck in this cycle.

In this post, we’ll break down:

✅ Why your brain tricks you into missing your toxic ex
✅ The psychological hold of toxic relationships
✅ Why Valentine’s Day intensifies these feelings
✅ How to stop craving someone who never valued you
✅ Healing strategies that actually work

If you’re in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, or anywhere in Pennsylvania, looking for expert guidance, this is for you.

Why Do You Still Miss Your Toxic Ex? (Even When They Treated You Like Sh*t?)

1. Your Brain Is Addicted to the Highs and Lows
Toxic relationships operate like dopamine-fueled roller coasters, moments of extreme love followed by gut-wrenching rejection. This cycle rewires your brain to crave them, just like an addiction.

2. You Confuse Familiarity with Love
Humans crave what’s familiar, even when it’s harmful. If chaos and emotional unavailability felt normal in your past relationships, your brain associates toxicity with comfort.

3. You’re Seeking Closure That Will Never Come
Narcissists and emotionally abusive partners rarely give closure. You may feel like you just need one last conversation to “understand” why they treated you this way, but deep down, you know you’ll never get the answer that makes it make sense.

4. Valentine’s Day Exaggerates Emotional Longing
A 2023 study from Psychology Today found that individuals often feel more distressed than expected on Valentine’s Day due to increased thoughts about past relationships. Seeing couples post their “perfect” relationships online can trigger loneliness and nostalgia, but social media isn’t reality.

5. Social Media Keeps You Stuck
Speaking of social mediam are you still checking their Instagram or watching their stories? 88% of people admit to checking their ex’s social media after a breakup, even though they know it makes them feel worse. The more you lurk, the longer you stay trapped.

How to Stop Missing a Toxic Ex on Valentine’s Day

1. Go No Contact (Seriously, Block Them)

• If you haven’t already, BLOCK. DELETE. REMOVE.

• Think about this: Every time you check their page, you’re re-opening a wound that should be healing.

2. Replace Toxic Nostalgia with Reality Checks

• When you find yourself romanticizing the relationship, ask yourself:
  ➡️ Was I ever truly happy in this relationship?
  ➡️ How did they actually make me feel on a daily basis?
  ➡️ Would I want a friend or loved one to be treated the way I was?

3. Unfollow & Mute Valentine’s Day Triggers

• Social media algorithms will shove couple content down your throat this week. Mute or unfollow accounts that make you feel worse.

4. Create a “Goodbye Letter” (And Don’t Send It)

• Write a letter saying everything you wish you could say to your ex, but never send it. This is for your healing, not for their validation.

5. Shift the Focus to Self-Love & Growth

• Plan a solo Valentine’s Day ritual that celebrates YOU.

• Book a spa day.

• Go on a weekend trip to Pittsburgh, Philly, or your favorite PA getaway. Take yourself to an amazing brunch in Pittsburgh or take yourself to a dinner/enertainment show in Philadelphia.

• Start therapy (we’ll talk about that next). Or jump right too it and check out what I offer, this is my speciality!

When to Seek Therapy for Toxic Relationship Recovery

If you’re feeling:
❌ Emotionally stuck and unable to move on
❌ Obsessed with getting answers from your ex
❌ Trapped in a cycle of self-blame and rumination
❌ Drawn back into toxic patterns with new relationships

It’s time to seek professional support.

A licensed trauma therapist can help you:
✔ Detach from toxic relationship patterns
✔ Rebuild your self-esteem and confidence
✔ Understand why you stayed, and how to break free for good

If you’re in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, or anywhere in Pennsylvania, I offer virtual trauma therapy sessions to help you heal from toxic relationships.

Schedule your free consultation by clicking here.

FAQs: Your Biggest Questions Answered

1. Why do I still miss my toxic ex despite knowing they were bad for me?

Your brain gets hooked on the highs and lows of the relationship. It's not love, it's trauma bonding.

2. How can I cope with loneliness on Valentine's Day after a breakup?

Plan something special for yourself. Treat yourself like you wish your ex had treated you.

3. Is it normal to want to contact my toxic ex on holidays?

Yes, but that doesn’t mean you should. Wanting comfort is human, but reaching out will set you back.

4. What are the best ways to avoid contacting my toxic ex?

Block them, delete their number, and remove social media triggers. Out of sight, out of mind.

5. How can I focus on self-love after a toxic relationship?

Therapy, self-care, and surrounding yourself with people who truly value you.

You Deserve More

---

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be a painful reminder of what you lost, it can be a turning point toward what you truly deserve.

Let this year be the time you choose yourself.

If you’re struggling to move forward from a toxic relationship, let’s work together. I offer virtual trauma therapy and intensives across Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and all of Pennsylvania.

Schedule a FREE 15-minute consultation with me now by clicking this link.

Take this free quiz to see if you are over your toxic ex or if they are still living rent-free in your head.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!

Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.

Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP

Feeling Stuck in Therapy? How an Intensive Can Help You Move Forward

---

If you've ever felt like you're stuck in therapy, you’re not alone. Sometimes, it can feel like progress is slow, and that’s frustrating when you’re so so ready for change. But here’s the thing: healing doesn’t always have to happen over months or years. Therapy intensives offer a powerful way to make breakthroughs faster. In this blog, I’ll explore why feeling stuck is normal and how a therapy intensive can help you move forward in your healing journey, especially if you’re a high-achiever healing from toxic relationships in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia or across Pennsylvania.

Discover therapy intensives using Internal Family Systems and somatic experiencing for breakthrough trauma healing in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and across Pennsylvania. Designed for high-achievers overcoming toxic relationships and deep-seated emotional wounds.

Transform your life with trauma therapy intensives that fast-tracks healing and provides real, lasting change. Experience a powerful, holistic approach to trauma recovery.

Why You Might Feel Stuck

Many of us, particularly those who have thrived in demanding environments, can feel trapped by our emotional wounds, past or history. Often, complex trauma, especially from toxic relationships, has a way of hiding in plain sight. Traditional talk therapy sometimes struggles to “move the needle” when it comes to deep trauma because it may not fully address the layers of emotional and bodily stored stress. Feeling stuck is simply a sign that there are deeper issues needing a different approach.

What is a Therapy Intensive?

A therapy intensive is a concentrated period of time, often a day or a few days, where you and your therapist work deeply on the challenges holding you back. Instead of spreading sessions out over weeks, you get the time and focus to work through complex emotions and patterns. Therapy intensives often use specialized approaches, like Internal Family Systems (IFS) or Body-Based Interventions, to help you process things faster.

How Therapy Intensives Create Breakthroughs

Therapy Intensives in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia and across Pennsylvania are designed for individuals who are ready to do the deep work with a therapist and experience rapid transformation. Here’s why they work so well:

Immersive Experience: Instead of spreading sessions out over months, an intensive condenses powerful work into an extended session or a short series of sessions. This focused timeframe can accelerate insights and breakthroughs.

Internal Family Systems (IFS): I use IFS to help you understand and heal your inner parts, especially those burdened by complex trauma. Want to learn more about IFS and my approach, click here. Unlike traditional talk therapy, IFS provides a structured approach to access and reframe hidden emotional trauma, creating a more holistic healing process (which I love because I know it works!)

Somatic Experiencing: By integrating somatic experiencing, I help you reconnect with your body’s wisdom. Trauma isn’t only stored in your mind; it lives in your body too. This body-based intervention allows you to release built up stress and emotions, making way for true healing. This usually is the piece missing in trauma work.

---

For additional research on how Internal Family Systems and somatic experiencing can accelerate healing from complex trauma, I encourage you to explore the IFS Institute's research page, review insights on somatic interventions at TraumaHealing, and examine a comprehensive peer-reviewed study on body-based therapies for a better understanding.

So, how do intensives help you move forward?

They provide uninterrupted focus: With no time constraints, you can dive deeper into emotions and experiences. Faster progress: Many clients report feeling more clarity and relief after just one intensive. Customized tools: You'll walk away with practical strategies and insights to use in daily life. If you’re worried about the intensity, know that therapists pace sessions to match your needs. It’s not about overwhelming you, it’s about creating space for healing.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What’s the difference between trauma therapy intensives and traditional intensive outpatient therapy in Pennsylvania?

I offer trauma therapy intensives that provide an immersive, short-term experience focused on deep healing. Unlike traditional intensive outpatient therapy, which unfolds over several weeks or months, my intensive sessions are concentrated and highly personalized, enabling quicker breakthroughs and more sustained emotional growth. I’m here to support you every step of the way on your journey to healing.

2. Should I choose a trauma therapy intensive session or standard outpatient therapy in PA?

Deciding between a trauma therapy intensive session and standard outpatient therapy in Pennsylvania depends on your personal needs and lifestyle. In my intensive retreat, I create a secluded, supportive environment where you can disconnect from daily stresses and fully immerse yourself in the healing process. If you need to balance treatment with everyday responsibilities, standard outpatient therapy might be a better fit. However, if you’re ready for a transformative, breakthrough, my intensives model is designed specifically for that deep level of work.

3. How do trauma therapy intensives in PA help heal emotional wounds or trauma?

My trauma therapy intensives in Pennsylvania are designed to address the complexities of deep trauma and pain through a focused, immersive process. I combine evidence-based practices with a personalized approach, helping you process unresolved trauma, build emotional resilience, and rediscover your inner strength. This method not only provides immediate relief but also sets the stage for long-term healing and personal growth.

4. What should I expect during my first trauma therapy intensive session in Pennsylvania?

During our first session together, you can expect a warm welcome into a safe, non-judgmental space where your unique experiences are truly valued. I begin with a comprehensive 90-minute assessment to understand your background and current challenges, then work with you to develop a personalized treatment plan that aligns with your healing goals. My aim is to ensure that from the very first moment, you feel understood, empowered, and ready to embark on your transformative journey.

5. How do I choose the right trauma therapy intensive program in PA for my healing journey?

Choosing the right trauma therapy intensive program in Pennsylvania is all about finding a structure and approach that resonate with your personal needs. I focus on offering a clear, evidence-based methodology and a client-centered approach that puts your well-being first. If you’re seeking a deeply persona experience, I encourage you to reach out for a consultation so we can determine if my program is the right fit for your unique healing journey.

How do I get unstuck?

Recognize the Signs:
Start by acknowledging that feeling stuck is a natural part of processing deep trauma. Ask yourself: Am I noticing recurring patterns or emotional blocks that seem resistant to change?

Reflect on Your History:
Many high-achievers may not realize that their past, especially toxic relationships, has left a mark. Take a moment to journal about any lingering emotions or unexplained behaviors. Awareness is the first step toward transformation.

Consider an Intensive Approach:
If traditional talk therapy hasn’t brought the progress you need, a therapy intensive might be your answer. This experience works, it can help you access parts of yourself that have been waiting to be heard and healed.

Explore Integrative Modalities:
Think about the benefits of combining IFS with somatic experiencing. This dual approach addresses both the mental and physical aspects of trauma, offering a more comprehensive path to healing.

Take the Quiz to see if a Trauma Intensive
is right for you.

So, now what?

Feeling stuck doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working, it just means you might need a new approach. Therapy intensives can help you gain momentum and move closer to the life you want. If you’re in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia or anywhere in Pennsylvania and feel that you’re ready to break free from the cycle of feeling stuck, I want you to reach out. As a licensed therapist specializing in IFS and somatic experiencing, I work with high-achievers healing from toxic relationships who are ready to make a real change. My therapy intensives are designed to help you uncover and heal the deep trauma that traditional talk therapy might miss.

Don’t let another day go by feeling trapped. Contact me today to explore whether a therapy intensive is the right step for you. Let’s work together to create the breakthrough you’ve been longing for.

I remember the nights when I felt completely lost, laying in bed overthinking about what I could have, should have or would have done in my toxic relationships or at work. I had so much unspoken frustration that traditional talk therapy just wasn’t reaching. Having a therapist who challenged me to see things differently through trauma intensives through Internal Family Systems (IFS) and somatic experiencing was a turning point for me; it helped me face my pain that I had hidden away through a succesful career and picture perfect life. I’m so passionate about this work because I know what it’s like to be a high-achiever feeling trapped by the weight of unhealed trauma (I didn’t know I had) and wanting a transformation to happen quick that felt both raw and real. My commitment is to create a space where you can truly meet every part of yourself, honor your journey, and break free from the cycles that hold you back. Every step of this healing process is about embracing who you are and stepping into a life defined not by your past, but by your limitless potential.

“Standard therapy often keeps you safe with your old story, but real change comes when you knock down your walls and rebuild who you really are.”

— Your Trauma Therapist, Mariah

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google orTikTok for more educational tips & updates!

Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.

Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP

Why Do I Miss My Toxic Ex? The Psychology Behind Trauma Bonds

I’ve seen trauma bonds in some of the darkest places. Places where you’d think love wouldn’t survive, let alone thrive. But here’s the thing, trauma bonds aren’t love. They’re survival. And nowhere did I see that more clearly than when I worked in a prison. We’re going to explore the 4 signs of a trauma bond and what steps to take to break it.

Table of Contents

• What Is a Trauma Bond?
• Signs of Trauma Bonding
• Why Do I Still Miss My Toxic Ex?
• How to Break a Trauma Bond & Actually Heal
• FAQ: Trauma Bonds & Toxic Relationships
• Book Your Trauma Therapy Intensive (Pittsburgh, Philadelphia & PA)

The Prison Love Story No One Talks About

I watched staff, guards, counselors, even seasoned officers, get involved in toxic, manipulative, ride-or-die relationships with inmates. These weren’t just casual flings or prison pen-pal romances. This was deep psychological enmeshment, the kind that looks a hell of a lot like what my clients experience with toxic exes.

It usually started the same way. A correctional officer would show up, confident and by the book. But then an inmate would start reading them like a goddamn novel, finding their weaknesses, their loneliness, their need for validation. And before they knew it, they were hooked.

It wasn’t the inmate’s bad side that got them. It was the good moments. The times when they felt seen, special, chosenin a way no one else made them feel. Maybe it was a simple, “You’re different from the others.” Maybe it was a story about how they were misunderstood, how no one believed in them. And maybe, just maybe, the officer started believing they could be the one to save them. Sound familiar?

They’d start covering for the inmate, making excuses, even smuggling in contraband. Risking their jobs, their reputations, their damn freedom. And the worst part? They knew it was toxic. They knew they were being manipulated. But the high of those good moments? Unmatched.

Then, of course, came the crash. The moment the inmate turned on them, discarded them, betrayed them, got what they needed and moved on to the next. And suddenly, the officer was left in the wreckage, wondering, How the hell did I get here?

And that’s when it hit me. This is exactly what happens in toxic relationships outside of prison.

What Is a Trauma Bond?

A trauma bond is not love. It’s an emotional attachment built through abuse, manipulation, and unpredictable reinforcement. It’s why you can know, logically, that someone is hurting you, but still crave them like a drug.

Toxic relationships have a pattern:

1. Love-bombing: They shower you with affection, make you feel special.

2. Devaluation: Slowly, the insults start. The silent treatment. The pushing and pulling.

3. Intermittent Reinforcement: One day they’re amazing, the next they’re cruel. You never know which version you’re going to get and your brain gets addicted to the chase.

4. Discard: When they’re done, they leave you feeling empty, questioning your worth, wondering how you could ever get them back.

Sound familiar? This is the same cycle I watched play out in prison.

A study published in the Journal of Traumatic Stress found that relationship variables, such as total abuse, intermittent abuse, and power imbalances, accounted for 55% of the variance in attachment strength among individuals in abusive relationships. In other words? More than half of people in toxic relationships develop deep emotional attachments to their abuser, making it incredibly difficult to leave.

Why Do I Still Miss My Toxic Ex?

If your ex treated you like trash, why do you still want them? Because your brain is wired to seek familiarity over happiness.

You know that feeling when they pull away just enough to make you crave their love again? That’s not an accident, it’s intermittent reinforcement. Research shows that inconsistent abuse patterns actually make victims more emotionally attached to their abuser, not less. The uncertainty of whether you'll get affection or cruelty keeps the brain locked in a cycle of hope and desperation.

• Dopamine & Cortisol: The highs and lows of a toxic relationship trigger the same chemical response as a drug addiction. You’re literally withdrawing from them.

• Intermittent Reinforcement: You’re not in love with them. You’re addicted to the possibility of getting that good version of them back.

• Unresolved Childhood Wounds: If chaos feels like home, your brain mistakes it for love.

This is why logic alone won’t save you. You need a real strategy to break free.

How to Break a Trauma Bond & Actually Heal

People often ask, "Why don’t they just leave?" But leaving isn’t just about walking away, it’s about rewiring the brain. Studies show that victims of trauma bonds develop an emotional dependence on their abuser due to the cycle of abuse alternating with affection. This is what makes breaking free so damn hard, the brain mistakes survival for love.

These stats aren’t just research, they’re proof that you’re not crazy, weak, or overreacting. Trauma bonds hijack your brain chemistry, trapping you in a cycle that feels impossible to break. But here’s the thing: You don’t have to stay stuck.

1. No Contact (or Limited Contact): Treat them like the addiction they are, block, delete, go ghost.

1. Name the Pattern: Write down every time they made you feel small. When you see the cycle, you stop romanticizing the highs.

2. Rewire Your Brain: Instead of focusing on “what if,” ask yourself: Would I want this for someone I love?

3. Do the Deep Work: This isn’t just about them. This is about the part of you that craves dysfunction. That’s what needs healing.

4. Get Support: Trauma bonds don’t break overnight. That’s why I offer trauma therapy intensives, to help you break free for good.

Book Your Trauma Therapy Intensive (Pittsburgh, Philadelphia & PA)

Three Trauma Therapy Intensive Spots Left for February! Virtual sessions available in Pennsylvania.

Book Now: [https://mariahjzurlpc.as.me/schedule.php]

This is your wake-up call…

I know you’ve been stuck in your head, trying to logic your way out of this. If thinking about it was enough, you’d be free by now. But here you are—still spiraling, still missing them, still replaying every “good moment” like it somehow cancels out the damage.

Let’s get real: Trauma bonds don’t break with time. They break when you take action.

That’s exactly why I created my Trauma Therapy Intensives—because waiting and “figuring it out” is what keeps people stuck for years. You need a plan, a system, a f*cking exit strategy.

Here’s how we do this, together:

90-Minute Assessment: We uncover exactly why you’re stuck, how this trauma bond formed, and what’s keeping you emotionally hooked. (Hint: It’s deeper than “love.”)

90-Minute Intensive: This is where we rewire your nervous system, process the emotional addiction, and create a clear AF path forward. Using IFS, EMDR, nervous system regulation, and inner child work, we break the hold this person has on you so you can breathe again.

FREE 45-Minute Follow-Up Session: Because healing doesn’t end after one session. We integrate everything, make sure you’re feeling solid, and adjust as needed.

Real Talk: My clients leave these intensives feeling lighter, clearer, and finally in control.

One client told me she walked in feeling like she’d “never get over him” and left knowing exactly what she needed to do next, without second-guessing.

Another client realized she wasn’t just grieving her ex, she was grieving the childhood wounds that made her crave that chaos in the first place. That clarity changed everything.

One more? A high-achieving client who had it “together” in every area except this one finally saw why she kept attracting the same toxic dynamic, and how to break the cycle for good.

If you’re in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, or anywhere in Pennsylvania, my trauma therapy intensives are available virtually so you can heal from home.

FAQ: Trauma Bonds & Toxic Relationships

Common questions about trauma bonds, manipulation, and healing.

1.Why do I still miss my toxic ex even though they hurt me?
Your brain is chemically wired to crave what feels familiar, even when it’s harmful. Trauma bonds mimic addiction, it’s not love, it’s withdrawal.

2. How long does it take to break a trauma bond?
It varies. Some people feel relief in a few months, others need focused trauma work to fully rewire their brain. Healing isn’t linear, but it is possible.

3. Can a trauma bond turn into a healthy relationship?
If the relationship involved narcissistic abuse, no. If it was due to mutual unhealed trauma, deep therapy is required. But toxic love rarely turns healthy.

4. What is the fastest way to heal from a trauma bond?
Structured healing. Trauma therapy intensives help you break the cycle fast and finally feel free.

5. How do I know if I am trauma bond?

If you feel obsessively attached to someone who hurts you, lies to you, or keeps you in a cycle of highs and lows, you’re likely in a trauma bond.

6. What are the most common inmate manipulation tactics?

Inmates who manipulate staff use psychological control to gain favors, protection, or even help escaping. This is the same dynamic seen in toxic relationships.

The Most Common Inmate Manipulation Tactics:

✔ Love-Bombing & Grooming – “You’re the only one who really understands me.”
✔ Playing the Victim – “I was wrongfully accused. You’re the only one who believes me.”
✔ Gaslighting – “I never said that. You must be imagining things.”
✔ Exploiting Sympathy – “If you cared about me, you’d help me.”
✔ Creating Dependence – They isolate staff, making them feel special or needed.

Sound familiar? That’s because these same tactics are used by narcissists, abusers, and toxic partners to manipulate relationships. Don’t fall for it. Whether it’s an inmate or an ex, manipulation is manipulation.

You’re not crazy, you were conditioned.

I’ve seen some of the strongest people get trapped in trauma bonds. You are not weak. You are not stupid. You are not crazy. You are human. And you can break free.

If this hit home, you don’t have to do this alone. I offer trauma therapy intensives designed to help you stop missing them, stop overanalyzing, and start healing, all from the comfort of your home.

This Is Your Moment. Do Something About It.

You don’t need more time, more thinking, or another night of stalking their social media. You need a breakthrough. And that’s what we’re doing in this intensive.

I have three intensive spots left for the month of February. Once they’re gone, they’re gone. If you're in Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, or anywhere in Pennsylvania, we can work together virtually.

You deserve more than survival. You deserve peace.

Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.

Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP

Trauma Therapy in Pittsburgh | Trauma Bond Recovery in Philadelphia | Online Therapy in Pennsylvania | Healing from Toxic Relationships | Narcissistic Abuse Recovery PA

Why Perfectionism Is Destroying Your Peace (and How to Break Free NOW) | Therapy Options in Pittsburgh

Understanding Perfectionism: The Hidden Culprit

What is Perfectionism, Really?

Perfectionism isn’t about high standards, it’s about the deep-seated belief that you’re only worthy if you’re flawless. So let’s talk about how perfectionism affects your mental and emotional well-being. As therapist who worked in the Department of Corrections, I was always expected to be the "perfect" leader, problem-solver, and support system for everyone, constantly pushing myself beyond limits, not realizing the impact it was taking.

I’ve been where you are, feeling stuck, burnt out, and unfulfilled despite my success. In my own journey, I still struggle with the belief that I need to do everything perfectly, and I've learned that healing is all about continuously freeing myself from that narrative. Learn more about how I can help you on your path to healing and peace by clicking here or keep reading this article to learn steps you can take on your own.

How Perfectionism Destroys Your Peace

“Perfectionism is the subtle enemy of happiness and fulfillment. It convinces you that achieving a flawless life is the only way to find peace, but the reality is the opposite.”

Perfectionism steals your peace by creating a constant state of stress and anxiety. You’re always focused on doing more, achieving more, and doing it right, but it’s never enough. When I worked for the prison, I was the “go-to” person for everything, handling crisis situations, managing staff conflicts, and being the emotional support for everyone around me. While I appeared to have it all together, I was slowly suffocating inside (but I never showed it). If you curious about what the signs of perfectionism are you can learn more by clicking here or you can keep reading to learn about the perfectionism cycle.

The Perfectionism Cycle: Why You Feel Stuck

“Perfectionism often leads to burnout, depression, and anxiety because it demands unrealistic standards that can never truly be met, causing a constant cycle of self-criticism and stress.”

The “Never Enough” Mindset

No matter how much you accomplish, perfectionism will always tell you it’s not enough. You feel like you’re running in circles, unable to catch your breath. I’d successfully managed high-stress situations in corrections and handled my responsibilities with ease, but there was always a nagging feeling that I hadn’t done enough, that something was still missing. Perfectionism had me trapped in a cycle of stress and self-doubt. You know, trying to be perfect while working in corrections really impacted me more than I was willing to admit. I started leaning on nightly wine and falling into toxic relationships, anything to avoid facing how much I was really struggling. It was like I was telling myself I was okay, but deep down I knew I was just running from my own shit.

If you want to read more on how perfectionsim impacts your mental health, click here OR keep reading to understand how perfectionism shows up in high-achievers (like you!).

Perfectionism in High Achievers: More Than Just Expectations

High-achieving individuals often feel the pressure to be perfect in all aspects of their lives. But perfectionism isn't a badge of honor; it's a path to burnout, especially when you’re always trying to please others. I felt the weight of perfectionism every day at work, there was this constant pressure to be the perfect leader, the perfect therapist, the perfect colleague. The reality? It left me emotionally drained and disconnected from my own needs. But I wasn’t letting anyone see that…

Breaking Free from Perfectionism: Your First Steps

Ready to learn more about intensives? Click here!

Ready to learn more about intensives? Click here!

Acknowledge the Issue: You Don’t Have to Be Perfect

The first step to healing is recognizing the impact perfectionism is taking on you. Acknowledging that you don't have to do it all, be it all, or have it all is liberating. In 2023, I realized that my perfectionism was keeping me stuck, and I was too afraid to let go. It wasn’t until I acknowledged that I didn’t have to “save” everyone and be everything for everyone that my healing began.

Did you know?
Perfectionism often is connected to past toxic relationships, like narcissistic abuse. If you're struggling with both, check out my blog by clicking here on healing from narcissistic abuse to uncover how these patterns impact your life and how to start healing.

If you’re seeking narcissistic abuse recovery in Pittsburgh or simply need a Pittsburgh trauma therapist to address long-held self-critical beliefs, understanding perfectionism’s root causes is essential. Learn more about me to see if I am the right therapist for you!

As a Pittsburgh trauma therapist, I’ve worked with countless individuals trapped by perfectionism and past toxic relationships. Whether you’re exploring narcissistic abuse recovery in Pittsburgh or looking for ways to manage burnout, the principles here can guide you toward meaningful change.

Shift Your Focus from “Perfect” to “Progress”

Instead of trying to be perfect, aim for progress. Start small, celebrate the wins, and embrace the journey instead of focusing on an unreachable goal. When I let go of the need to be “perfect” and started focusing on small, achievable goals, like prioritizing my mental health with weekly therapy, I finally started moving forward. Progress over perfection became my mantra but I still find myself struggling with truly honoring that mindset every day. Some days I joke that I've discovered the secret to perfection, but most days my husband is there to guide me back to embracing progress over perfection.

Setting Boundaries to Protect Your Peace

One of the most powerful ways to work through perfectionism is by setting boundaries. You can’t do it all, and that’s okay. In my role at the prison, I was constantly asked for emotional support, advice, and answers. Setting boundaries, saying “no” when I needed to rest or focus on my own well-being, was a game-changer. Fun fact though, easier said than done. I wasn’t able to do this until I was completly burntout and instead of dealing with my burnout I was looking for a new job… every…single...day. Setting boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s essential for your mental health.

The Power of Trauma Therapy Intensives

Why Trauma Intensives Are a Game-Changer

Trauma intensives focus on deeper, faster healing. They offer a structured approach to breaking free from the cycle of perfectionism and emotional burnout. I went through 90-minute weekly trauma intensives for three months to work through my trauma, perfectionism and find my sense of self again because I was finally ready to look myself in the mirror. One year later, as I sit here writing this, I'm happily married, have made the courageous decision to leave my doctoral program, and I'm running my own private practice, all of which are things that make me happy and give me the life I always dreamed of. Thanks to these intensives it gave me the clarity and strength I needed to start living authentically.

Your Healing Journey Starts NOW

Trauma therapy intensives help you address the causes of your perfectionism, leading to lasting change. Breaking free from perfectionism isn’t easy, but it is possible. My own personal experience with trauma intensives gave me the tools I needed to start living my life for me, and they can do the same for you which is why I am so passionate about offering these services to you. I know firsthand the impact they can have on your life, I’m proof of that. Schedule a consultation for individual or trauma intensives in Pittsburgh, Pa; I am currently accepting new clients.

Download my free workbook on how to break free from perfectionism by clicking the button below.

Letting Go of Perfectionism and Embracing Peace

Give Yourself Permission to Be Human

Perfectionism makes you think you have to be everything to everyone. But guess what? You don’t. Give yourself permission to be human, to make mistakes, and to embrace your authentic self. I thought I had to be perfect in every area of my life. But the moment I gave myself permission to be imperfect, everything started to fall into place. Life became about progress, not perfection.

Ready to Break Free?

Through these trauma intensives, you’ll uncover and gently release long-held emotional wounds, experience healing and renewed self-trust. By gaining clarity and self-compassion in a supportive space, you’ll leave feeling stronger, more empowered, and ready to move forward with greater strength.

If you’re ready to stop chasing perfection and start living authentically, I’m here to help. Book a trauma intensive today, and let’s begin the process of reclaiming your peace and breaking free from perfectionism. These focused, transformative sessions provide the tools and insights to help you regain peace and leave toxic patterns behind.

Join the conversation on my Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google or TikTok for more educational tips & updates!

Or if you are a female who works in law enforcement/corrections/attorney/criminal justice system sign up for my 3-Day Email Series that is packed with educational content and tips to break the cycle of perfectionism in a male-dominated work environment.

Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.

Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP

Feeling Stuck After the Holidays? 5 Signs of Post-Holiday Blues and How a Trauma Therapist in Pittsburgh, PA Can Help

The holidays are over, and the lights, excitement, and endless to-do lists are behind you. But instead of feeling refreshed, you’re stuck in a fog. If you’ve been battling low energy, anxiety, or a sense of “blah,” you’re not alone. This emotional slump, commonly called the post-holiday blues, is surprisingly common.

For some, these feelings are temporary. For others, especially in places like Pennsylvania with long winters, it could be tied to something deeper, like Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Let’s explore the signs, why this happens, and practical ways to feel like yourself again.

How Trauma Therapy in Pittsburgh Can Help Combat Post-Holiday Blues: What Are the Post-Holiday Blues?

The post-holiday blues are a temporary emotional low that hits after the excitement of the holiday season fades. Unlike clinical depression, these feelings are often short-lived and tied to the emotional and physical toll of the holidays.

In regions like Pennsylvania, the overlap with SAD, caused by shorter days and reduced sunlight, makes this time even harder for some people.

Did you know that approximately 24% of individuals with diagnosed mental illnesses report that the holidays make their condition "a lot" worse? (American Counselors Association) And in Pennsylvania specifically, nearly 2 million adults experience mental health challenges annually (HAP Online). These numbers show just how widespread this issue can be.

5 Signs You Might Have Post-Holiday Blues

1. You Feel Drained, Even After Rest

   • Despite catching up on sleep, you wake up feeling sluggish and unmotivated.

2. You Overthink Social Interactions

   • Maybe you’re replaying conversations from family gatherings, wondering if you said something wrong.

3. Your Body Feels ‘Off’

   • Tension headaches, digestive discomfort, or lingering fatigue could all signal stress catching up with you.

4. You’re Snapping at Loved Ones

   • Small irritations feel like big problems, leading to arguments or frustration.

5. You Feel Stuck or Unmotivated

   • Setting new goals feels overwhelming when your energy is low, making January feel like a slow crawl.

Is It Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)?

While the post-holiday blues are temporary, Seasonal Affective Disorder is a clinical condition triggered by reduced sunlight and shorter days. In Pennsylvania, the long winters can intensify these symptoms.

Key Overlaps:

• Fatigue and low energy

• Difficulty concentrating

• Mood swings or irritability

What’s Different About SAD?

• Symptoms persist for months, not weeks.

• Treatments like light therapy or vitamin D supplements can make a noticeable impact.

If you suspect your post-holiday blues are tied to SAD, seeking professional help can make a difference. According to the American Psychiatric Association, January and February are the toughest months for individuals with SAD. (APA)

Answering Your Most Common Questions

1. What Are the Common Signs of Post-Holiday Depression?
Feeling tired, unmotivated, and socially drained are common. You might also notice mood swings or physical discomfort like headaches.

2. How Long Do Post-Holiday Blues Typically Last?
Most people feel better within a few weeks as they return to their routines. If your symptoms persist beyond a month, consider exploring deeper causes like SAD.

3. Are Post-Holiday Blues the Same as SAD?
Not exactly. While they share symptoms, SAD is a more persistent condition tied to a lack of sunlight, requiring specific treatments.

4. What Self-Care Strategies Can Help Alleviate Post-Holiday Depression?

• Get outside during daylight hours.

• Start with small routines, like morning stretches or meal prepping.

• Journal your thoughts to process lingering emotions.

5. When Should Someone Seek Professional Help for Post-Holiday Depression?
If feelings of sadness or fatigue are interfering with your daily life—or if they last more than a month—it’s time to reach out to a therapist.

Looking for therapy options in Pennsylvania? Visit here to learn how I can help.

What the Research Says About Seasonal Affect Disorder

A recent article from Glamour dropped a truth bomb about Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): approximately 10 million people in the U.S. struggle with this condition, especially during the fall and winter months when sunlight is scarce.

And here’s the kicker: strategies like consistent vitamin D intake, getting outside during daylight hours, and maintaining a healthy diet aren’t just feel-good advice, they’re backed by science as effective ways to manage symptoms.

Why does this work? Because SAD thrives on patterns of isolation, inactivity, and lack of light. When you intentionally disrupt those patterns, whether through movement, light therapy, or even small goals, you’re taking control of your emotional and physical well-being. It’s not about a total life overhaul; it’s about momentum.

Small steps create big shifts, especially in states like Pennsylvania where the winters can feel endlessly gray.

Rural Mental Health Access in Pennsylvania

Many rural Pennsylvanians face limited access to mental health care, with long wait times or few local providers.

Solutions for Better Access:

• Telehealth Options: Virtual therapy sessions offer flexibility and convenience.

• Community Resources: Nonprofits and local centers often provide affordable or free mental health support.

If you’re in a rural area, teletherapy is an excellent way to get the help you need without long commutes. Learn more about teletherapy by clicking here.

How to Reclaim Your Peace

1. Start Small With Self-Care
Take baby steps, whether that’s drinking more water, stretching in the morning, or journaling before bed.

2. Reset Your Routine
Focus on one area at a time, like going to bed 30 minutes earlier or meal prepping for the week.

3. Practice Gentle Boundaries
If social invites feel overwhelming, it’s okay to decline. Protect your energy and prioritize your needs.

4. Talk to a Therapist
Therapy provides tools to help you break free from emotional ruts.

So, now what?

Post-holiday blues might be common, but you don’t have to navigate them alone. Whether it’s setting gentle boundaries, practicing self-care, or seeking professional support, small steps can make a big difference.

Ready to feel better? Schedule a free consultation with me today. Together, we can work toward reclaiming your peace and joy this winter.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google or TikTok for more educational tips & updates!

Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.

Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP, Ph.D. (ABD)

Citation: Glamour. (n.d.). Seasonal affective disorder: Science-backed tips to feel better. Retrieved January 17, 2025, from https://www.glamour.com/story/seasonal-affective-disorder-science-backed-tips
Citation: New York Post. (2025, January 2). Psychologists’ 6 tips for battling seasonal affective disorder. Retrieved January 17, 2025, from https://nypost.com/2025/01/02/health/psychologists-6-tips-for-battling-seasonal-affective-disorder/

Tired of Weekly Therapy Dragging On? Here’s Why Trauma Intensives Are the Fast Track to Feeling Better

Are you tired of feeling stuck and like traditional weekly therapy just isn’t moving the needle fast enough? You’re not alone. If you’re searching for a trauma-informed counselor in Pittsburgh or wondering ‘Do I need trauma therapy in Pittsburgh?’ consider how an intensive might accelerate your progress.

Let’s be real, waiting weeks between therapy sessions can feel like you’re stuck in slow motion when what you need is momentum. That’s why trauma therapy in Pittsburgh, PA, is a total game-changer, designed to help you make breakthroughs in days, not months, so you can start living the life you’ve been fighting for. I offer virtual therapy intensives to all Pennsylvania residents, so you can dive into deep transformative healing from the comfort of your home or favorite safe space, no commute, just transformation.

What is a Therapy Intensive?

A therapy intensive is a focused, in-depth session (or series of sessions) over the course of a day, weekend, or consecutive days. Instead of spreading sessions across weeks or months, you get concentrated time with your therapist to dive deep into your goals.

Trauma Intensives for Complex PTSD in Pittsburgh: What to Expect

Who Benefits from a Therapy Intensive?

Therapy intensives are ideal for those dealing with challenges like anxiety, grief, self-esteem, or life transitions, and for those who want to see meaningful progress in a shorter period of time.

Benefits of Therapy Intensives Over Weekly Sessions:

• Faster results: By dedicating extended time, you can uncover patterns, explore solutions, and start making changes faster.

• Convenience: Perfect for busy schedules, intensives allow you to focus deeply without waiting weeks between sessions.

• Personalized: Your intensive is tailored specifically to your needs, with a clear plan of action. Click here to learn more about my intensive packages.

 Who Benefits From Therapy Intensives?

My trauma therapy intensives are designed for high-achieving individuals who feel stuck in toxic patterns, whether it’s battling anxiety, perfectionism, or the aftermath of narcissistic abuse. They’re perfect for anyone ready to break free from racing thoughts, toxic relationships, and the grip of unhealed trauma. If you’re tired of just getting by and want deep, focused healing, this is for you.

• Healing from toxic relationships or narcissistic abuse.
  If you’ve experienced manipulation, gaslighting, or emotional rollercoasters, intensives help you rebuild confidence and clarity. Learn more.

• Feeling overwhelmed by anxiety and racing thoughts.
  For those who can’t seem to shut off their minds and feel trapped in a cycle of “what-ifs” and overthinking. Learn more.

• Struggling with perfectionism and imposter syndrome.
  High achievers who feel like nothing they do is ever enough or like they’re one step away from being “found out.” Learn more.

• Navigating unresolved trauma.
  Whether it’s from childhood or recent experiences, intensives help untangle the weight of the past. Learn more.

• Battling burnout and emotional exhaustion.
  For those juggling everything on the outside but feeling disconnected and depleted on the inside. Learn more.

• Feeling stuck in toxic cycles with friends, family, or coworkers.
  If you’re constantly walking on eggshells or replaying arguments, it’s time to break free. Learn more.

How Therapy Intensives Work:

We’ll start with an initial consultation to understand your needs and goals. If you’re ready to start you can schedule your initial consult by clicking here. During the intensive, we’ll use evidence-based techniques like Internal Family Systems (IFS), Trauma-Informed Care (TIC) and Person-Centered Therapy (PCT) to guide the work.

 FAQs About Therapy Intensives

• How long is a therapy intensive?
  It varies, but most are 90 minutes to 6 hours in one day or split across several days. You can read more about my intensive packages by clicking here.

• What happens after the intensive?
  We create a follow-up plan for continued support, whether that’s additional sessions or tools to use on your own.

• Are therapy intensives effective?
  Yes! For the right issues, they provide accelerated results that might take months to achieve in weekly therapy.

What the Research Says About Intensive Therapy

A study published in the Journal of Affective Disorders found something game-changing: the same number of therapy hours spread over a shorter period led to significantly better outcomes for people with depression.

In fact, the study revealed that stretching out those same therapy hours over a longer time frame actually resulted in worse outcomes. Yes, worse.

Why? Well, when therapy is too spread out, it can feel like you’re taking two steps forward and one step back every week. Intensive therapy creates momentum. It allows you to dig deep, process what’s coming up, and keep building on that progress, without waiting days or weeks in between sessions.

Highlights from the Study

“...we examined the association between therapy duration (in weeks) and effect size. Unexpectedly, we found that a longer duration resulted in a lower effect size.” p. 8

“...we found that more sessions per week resulted in a considerably larger effect size than less sessions per week.” (p. 8)

So, are you ready?

If you’re ready to stop spinning your wheels and finally tackle that overwhelming challenge, whether it’s healing from a toxic relationship, breaking free from the cycle of anxiety, or feeling confident in your own skin, a therapy intensive could be the life-changing reset you’ve been searching for. Ready to jumpstart your healing with a specialized therapy intensive? Schedule a consultation with me, a therapist in Pittsburgh, PA today, because you deserve a faster, more focused path to recovery.

Let’s be real: traditional weekly therapy works for some, but for others, it can feel like slow progress when what you need is deep, focused healing now. A therapy intensive lets us dive into the heart of what’s been holding you back and work through it in a concentrated, supportive space. No waiting weeks to see results, this is about building momentum and moving forward.

If you're nodding along and thinking, "Yes, this is what I need," let’s talk. Therapy intensives are designed for high-achievers like you who are ready to stop just surviving and start thriving.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google or TikTok for more educational tips & updates!

Disclaimer: Listen, what you see here on my blog or social media isn’t therapy, it’s meant to educate, inspire, and maybe even help you feel a little less alone. But if you’re in it right now and need real support, please reach out to a licensed therapist in your state who can walk alongside you in your healing journey. Therapy is personal, and you deserve a space that’s all about you. If you’re in PA and looking for a trauma therapist who gets it, I’m currently accepting new clients for trauma intensives. Let’s fast-track your healing journey, because you deserve to feel better, sooner.

Research Brief Author: Mariah J. Zur, M.S., LPC, CCTP, Ph.D. (ABD)

Citation: Cuijpers, P., Huibers, M., Ebert, D.D., Koole, S.L., Andersson, G. (2013). How much psychotherapy is needed to treat depression? A metaregression analysis. Journal of Affective Disorders, 149. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23528438/

Is Your Partner Secretly Controlling You? 9 Covert Narcissism Signs + Recovery Options in Pittsburgh

Do you feel like your partner’s behavior is a bit... off? That you’re constantly second-guessing your own thoughts and emotions, yet they seem to have this magnetic control over your life? If you're reading this, it’s likely because you’re wondering whether your relationship might be hiding a darker, more covert side of narcissism. Spoiler alert: it probably is. Signs of covert narcissism in a relationship are insidious and hard to spot, but they can be absolutely devastating to your emotional well-being.

According to a 2021 study from the National Institute of Mental Health, about 1-2% of the population in the U.S. exhibits narcissistic personality traits, but covert narcissism is harder to detect due to its subtle nature. As a trauma-informed therapist specializing in narcissistic abuse, I've seen first-hand the impact it takes on high-achieving individuals who look like they have it all together but are silently falling apart inside. So if you’re constantly putting on a brave face, achieving success, and yet feeling unworthy, overwhelmed, and emotionally drained, this one’s for you.

Let’s explore into some of the most common signs of covert narcissism in a relationship, and how you can start unpacking them with the help of a trauma-informed professional like me. If you’re searching for support, consider connecting with a trauma-informed counselor in Pittsburgh who specializes in covert narcissism and emotional abuse.

How to Begin Narcissistic Abuse Recovery in Pittsburgh

1. Are You Feeling Like You’re Always Walking on Eggshells?

One of the most damaging signs of covert narcissism in a relationship is the constant fear of triggering or upsetting your partner. You know, that sensation where your stomach tightens every time you hear your phone buzz, or when you know your partner’s mood will completely dictate how your day goes. A 2023 research paper published in the Journal of Personality Disorders found that covert narcissists often display heightened levels of anxiety and emotional instability, which often lead to problematic interpersonal relationships. Many individuals ask, ‘How do I recover from narcissistic abuse in Pittsburgh?’ The journey often starts with understanding covert tactics like gaslighting or controlling behaviors.

It’s like you’re constantly scanning the room for signs of what’s going to go wrong, even when you should feel safe in your relationship. Your partner might come across as “charming” or “distantly supportive” in public, but behind closed doors, they’ve got a hidden agenda. The problem? They make you feel like you’re always walking on eggshells, trying to avoid their criticism or manipulation.

The Impact:

• Gaslighting: You start doubting your own perceptions, questioning whether you’re overreacting or being “too sensitive.”

• Hypervigilance: You can never fully relax, knowing that any slight misstep will lead to their emotional withdrawal or verbal attacks.

• Self-doubt: Over time, you stop trusting your instincts. Instead, you find yourself trying to anticipate what they want, instead of knowing what you need.

2. Are They Mastering the Art of Emotional Manipulation?

Narcissists are pros at getting what they want without showing it. Covert narcissism in relationships is often wrapped in a facade of selflessness and concern. Your partner might make you feel guilty for the smallest things, or guilt-trip you into doing what they want.

Let’s talk about emotional manipulation. They might pretend they’re just concerned about your well-being, but what they’re really doing is creating a false story that makes you feel responsible for their happiness. This is classic covert narcissistic behavior.

The Impact:

• Guilt-tripping: You feel guilty for not meeting their needs or desires, even if they’re unreasonable.

• Love-bombing: They’ll shower you with affection when they want something, making you feel indebted.

• Emotional exhaustion: You give so much of yourself that you lose sight of your own needs.

3. Is Their Support System Actually a Trap?

A covert narcissist often isolates their partner from their friends, family, and other support systems. At first, this isolation may feel like they’re simply being protective or concerned for your well-being. But over time, you start to realize that they’ve subtly made everyone else in your life seem "toxic" or "distracting." If you're not careful, you’ll find yourself emotionally dependent on them, and only them.

The Impact:

• Isolation: You feel like the only person who truly “understands” you is your partner, but that’s a trap.

• Gaslighting: They convince you that the people in your life are the problem, making it easier to cut ties.

• Control: They know that when you’re isolated, you’re more malleable and easier to manipulate.

4. Are You Constantly Questioning Yourself?

If you find yourself unable to trust your own judgment or feeling like you're living in a constant state of confusion, you might be dealing with covert narcissism in a relationship. This behavior includes relentless gaslighting, where your partner makes you doubt your memories, perceptions, and even your sanity. A study in 2019 from the American Psychological Association revealed that individuals who have been in relationships with covert narcissists experience higher rates of emotional burnout and psychological distress.

The Impact:

• Memory distortion: You start forgetting things or questioning your recollection of events because they’ve distorted the truth.

• Uncertainty: You doubt yourself in every aspect of life, from your decisions to your emotions.

• Self-blame: You feel like you're the cause of all the issues in your relationship, even though the narcissist’s behavior is the root cause.

5. Is Their “Love” Conditional on You Being Perfect?

A covert narcissist’s love is never unconditional. They expect you to be their ideal version of “perfect,” which is impossible. If you fail to meet their lofty standards, they might withdraw their affection, or worse, accuse you of not loving them enough.

Their expectations will never align with reality, and you’ll constantly feel like you’re not good enough, no matter how hard you try.

The Impact:

• Perfectionism: You start obsessing over every tiny detail in your relationship, trying to please them in ways that leave you empty.

• Unworthiness: No matter how much you give, you never feel truly valued or accepted.

• Emotional manipulation: They use your insecurities to control and diminish your sense of self.

6. Are You Feeling Like You’ve Lost Yourself?

Perhaps the most devastating sign of covert narcissism in a relationship is when you wake up one day and realize that you’ve lost yourself. Your partner has made you feel like you need to be someone you’re not, and now you’re left wondering, “Who the hell am I?”

They’ve slowly shaped you into the person they want, and now you can’t recognize yourself anymore. You’ve sacrificed your needs, your identity, and your desires for the sake of keeping the peace and maintaining the relationship. But now, you’re left feeling hollow and disconnected from your true self.

The Impact:

• Identity loss: You feel like you don’t know who you are or what you want.

• Self-doubt: You second-guess your choices and question whether you ever had control over your life.

• Anxiety: You’re constantly anxious about how others perceive you, and whether you’re living up to expectations that aren’t even yours.

7. Are They Always the Victim, and You’re the Villain?

Covert narcissists often play the victim role. They will tell you their sob story over and over again, making you feel like you're the one at fault for their emotional turmoil. Meanwhile, you’re constantly left feeling like you’re the bad guy for simply expressing your own needs.

The Impact:

• Emotional exhaustion: You end up focusing on their problems at the expense of your own.

• Constant guilt: You feel like you're always to blame for their issues, even when you're not.

• Emotional manipulation: They use their victim status to guilt you into complying with their needs.

8. Is Your Relationship Filled with Emotional Rollercoasters?

In a healthy relationship, emotions ebb and flow. But in a covert narcissistic relationship, you’ll find yourself on an emotional rollercoaster that never seems to end. One day, they’re loving and attentive; the next, they’re distant and cold, leaving you wondering what went wrong. This creates an unstable dynamic where you’re always chasing after their approval or affection. If you’re constantly trying to fix the other person read this blog to understand why you do this.

The Impact:

• Emotional instability: One minute they’re loving, and the next, they’re emotionally distant, leaving you confused and anxious.

• Chronic stress: You’re constantly anticipating the next emotional upheaval.

• Codependency: You become overly reliant on their approval, which can be draining and damaging.

9. Are You Stuck in a Cycle of Overthinking and Self-Doubt?

Finally, signs of covert narcissism in a relationship are often tied to a constant cycle of overthinking. You find yourself replaying conversations, analyzing every word, and trying to figure out how you could have “done better.” This leads to crippling self-doubt, anxiety, and a sense of never being enough.

The Impact:

• Perfectionism: You feel like you can’t make a mistake, which leads to constant overthinking.

• Self-doubt: You question your decisions and feel like you're failing, even when you're doing everything right.

• Paralysis: You become stuck in a cycle of overthinking and emotional exhaustion.

Why You Need a Trauma Therapy Intensive

If you’ve made it this far, I’m guessing you're nodding along, recognizing some of these signs of covert narcissism in a relationship. Here’s the thing: you don’t have to navigate this alone. You’re not the problem, but these patterns of narcissistic manipulation will have you second-guessing everything you do.

That’s where I come in. As a trauma-informed therapist with expertise in narcissistic abuse, I can help you unpack this emotional pain and get your life back. You deserve to feel confident, validated, and, most importantly, seen—in your relationships and within yourself. Ready to break free from covert narcissistic control? Schedule a consultation for EMDR therapy in Pittsburgh or IFS therapy to start your path toward a healthier, happier life. For more on overcoming toxic relationships, visit our Narcissistic Abuse Recovery in Pittsburgh resource page.

A trauma therapy intensive with me can help you dig deep into the roots of these emotional cycles, break free from narcissistic manipulation, and rebuild your confidence. You don’t have to live in the shadows anymore. Book your session today, and let’s start unpacking these patterns, so you can live the life you’ve worked so hard for—without the emotional baggage weighing you down.

FAQs

1. What are the signs of covert narcissism in a relationship?

Covert narcissism in a relationship can be subtle, making it difficult to spot at first. Common signs include emotional manipulation, gaslighting, excessive control, and chronic self-centeredness. If your partner frequently shifts blame onto you, makes you feel guilty for setting boundaries, or has a pattern of withdrawing affection to keep you in line, these may be signs of covert narcissism. Other key indicators are emotional exhaustion, isolation from your support system, and feeling constantly on edge or "walking on eggshells." If these behaviors sound familiar, it might be time to evaluate your relationship and seek professional support. Click here to read this blog to understand traits of covert narcissism.

2. How do covert narcissists manipulate their partners?

Covert narcissists often manipulate their partners through subtle tactics like guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and emotional withdrawal. They might appear self-sacrificial or play the victim to keep you emotionally invested in them. They can make you question your reality, often saying things like, “You’re just too sensitive” or “That never happened.” These tactics can leave you feeling confused, emotionally drained, and unsure of yourself. Over time, covert narcissists create an emotional dependency, making it hard for you to break free from the relationship.

3. Can a therapist help you recognize covert narcissism in a relationship?

Yes, a trauma-informed therapist can be extremely helpful in recognizing covert narcissism in a relationship. Covert narcissism is often difficult to spot due to its subtlety, and it can be hard to trust your own perceptions when you're dealing with gaslighting and emotional manipulation. A therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse can guide you through understanding these behaviors, help you set healthy boundaries, and provide you with strategies to regain emotional independence. Therapy can also help you heal from the emotional trauma caused by narcissistic relationships, offering the tools needed to break free from these toxic patterns.

Is TikTok Wrecking Your Focus? Here’s How to Regain Control of Your Mindset

Are you scrolling through TikTok when you should be finishing up a project, talking with your family, or even relaxing for the night? Do you catch yourself feeling anxious or empty despite having all the external signs of success - like a great career, stability, and the appearance of a perfect life? If so, you’re not alone. Many high-achieving individuals wrestle with the emotional toll that social media, especially TikTok, can have on their minds, relationships, and overall well-being.

In this blog post, we’ll explore exactly why TikTok can derail your focus, how it exacerbates underlying emotional challenges such as perfectionism and unfulfilling relationships, and most importantly, how to reclaim mindset from tiktok distraction. By the end, you’ll understand why a trauma therapy intensive might be far more effective than the traditional once-a-week therapy model for addressing these issues at their root.

Is TikTok Secretly Feeding Your Inner Turmoil?

You’re the person everyone looks up to, but inside, you feel like you’re barely holding it together.

That’s one of the most common statements I hear from high-achieving clients. The ones who, on the outside, have it all: the career, the nice home, the network, the social presence. Yet something feels off. The same can be said for individuals who’ve undergone narcissistic abuse; they question their reality, struggle with gaslighting, and find themselves feeling anxious or lost.

Now, add TikTok to the mix. This platform, with its endless scrolling and enticing short videos, takes advantage of our natural craving for quick dopamine hits. And for those already struggling with deeper emotional pain, like a sense of emptiness, people-pleasing habits, or years of trauma - TikTok can become a digital way to escape. But that escape comes at a price: your mental clarity, your relationships, and your sense of self.

According to a 2020 study published in the Journal of Medical Internet Research, high-frequency social media usage correlates with increased feelings of anxiety and decreased overall well-being. Though the study didn’t focus exclusively on TikTok, its findings show just how easily social platforms can affect your mental health.

How Do High-Achievers and Trauma Survivors Get Caught in TikTok’s Vortex?

1. Unfulfilling Relationships and the Quest for Distraction

You’ve checked all the boxes—career, success, and stability—but it still feels empty.

If your personal relationships lack depth and meaning, maybe you feel unseen or undervalued, it’s no surprise that short, entertaining videos become a quick fix. Even if you know these TikToks aren’t solving the deeper issue, they offer immediate gratification and give you a temporary sense of escape from the emotional void.

I often hear clients say, “I just scroll to forget how disconnected I feel from my partner or my friends.” My response is to explore what they’re truly seeking in these moments of entertainment. Are they craving validation, a sense of belonging, or relief from an overwhelming environment?

2. The Narcissistic Abuse Lens—An Endless Loop of Validation-Seeking

You can’t trust your own mind anymore—every time you try to remember something, you second-guess yourself because of all the gaslighting.

After experiencing narcissistic abuse, it’s easy to feel like you have no stable sense of self. TikTok’s constant barrage of videos, each offering a slice of someone else’s life, can feel like a carnival of identities to choose from. But if you’re in a vulnerable place, this smorgasbord of curated content can entrench the same patterns of comparison, self-doubt, and validation-seeking that you’re already trying to heal from.

When a client tells me, “I can’t stop comparing myself to strangers on TikTok because they seem so happy and confident,” I use that moment to remind them that social media is a highlight reel. It’s rarely an authentic depiction. I then encourage them to identify the core emotions, usually fear, loneliness, or a sense of not being good enough, that keep them glued to these idealized portrayals.

Perfectionism and Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)

You give 110% to everything, yet you can’t shake the feeling that something is missing.

High-achievers frequently cite FOMO as a reason they keep checking TikTok. They fear missing the next trend, next life hack, or next viral snippet of news. But ironically, this FOMO leads to a perpetual cycle of anxiety and wasted time. You’re in a constant state of mental “alert,” scanning for what’s new and noteworthy instead of engaging in the present moment.

A client once confessed, “I refresh TikTok during every break at work, even though I know it’s causing me stress.” My response? We work on identifying what benefit they think they’re getting from these endless scroll sessions. For many, it’s the illusion of staying current. However, stepping back helps them realize they’re actually fueling anxiety by never allowing downtime.

A 2023 study from the American Psychological Association showed that individuals who use short-form video apps for more than two hours daily have a significantly higher risk of reporting symptoms of anxiety and emotional fatigue.

Why a Trauma Therapy Intensive Works Better Than Weekly Sessions

Now that we’ve established how TikTok can cause feelings of emptiness, anxiety, and self-doubt, let’s talk solutions. One of the most common questions I get is: “Why should I consider a trauma therapy intensive instead of regular, weekly sessions?”

1. Deep, Focused Work to Break Toxic Cycles

In a trauma therapy intensive, we spend consecutive hours or days to go deep into your emotional landscape. This gives you:

• Uninterrupted Focus: Weekly sessions can feel rushed, or you may lose momentum between appointments.

• Faster Breakthroughs: You get right to the core issues in a concentrated time frame, letting you to peel back layers of defense mechanisms and negative thought patterns that keep you stuck.

A client once said, “I feel like I’m just scratching the surface with my weekly therapist. We barely get anywhere, and before I know it, the session is over.” During an intensive, we could dedicate six hours a day for several days to safely unpack their childhood trauma, perfectionism, and fear of rejection. By the end, they experienced shifts in self-awareness and coping strategies.

2. Safety and Structure to Repair Self-Trust

Especially for those recovering from narcissistic abuse, trust, both in others and in oneself, has often been eroded. An intensive creates a safe bubble where you’re not just dipping your toe into the therapeutic process; you’re fully immersed. This immersion can rebuild self-trust faster as you see immediate progress over the span of days rather than months.

A client once told me, “I can’t trust my own memories. I feel like I’m losing my mind.” In an intensive, we validated their experiences, used evidence-based trauma therapies (like EMDR), and practiced grounding techniques multiple times a day. By the time they left, they had a real sense of their own truth, and a renewed capacity to believe in themselves.

Time for Integration and Real-World Tools

Trauma therapy intensives aren’t about rushing through your pain; they’re about dedicating focused blocks of time to process it. You gain practical, step-by-step tools and get to practice them, reflect, and revisit them all within the same immersive experience.

High-achievers dealing with perfectionism often require strategies that integrate well into their busy routines. In an intensive, we thoroughly practiced boundary-setting exercises, role-played different stressful scenarios, and came up with a custom coping plan for each. By the end of the intensive, they had a real-world blueprint.

A 2025 projection by Statista suggests that the number of global TikTok users will exceed 1.5 billion, indicating that the platform’s influence, and its potential mental health impact, will continue to rise. The need to address these concerns has never been greater.

Three Helpful Tips to Regain Mindset

Let me give you with some practical techniques to reduce TikTok’s doom scrolling and improve your mental health. These tips can serve as your first line of defense while you consider deeper therapeutic options, such as an intensive.

1. Schedule Social Media Blackout Periods

Set specific blocks of time in your day where you do not use any social media. Even small intervals, like the first hour after you wake up or the last hour before bed, can significantly reduce your mental clutter and help how to reclaim mindset from tiktok distraction.

• Why It Works: Your brain needs uninterrupted downtime to process emotions and experiences.

• Pro Tip: Use an app blocker or your phone’s built-in tools to enforce these blackout periods.

Use Mindful Journaling to Identify Emotional Triggers

When you feel the urge to open TikTok, pause and ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” Write it down in a journal. Sometimes it’s boredom, anxiety, or loneliness. By naming it, you can start to diffuse it.

• Why It Works: Emotional awareness is the first step in managing triggers.

• Pro Tip: Keep a small notebook or use a journaling app to quickly record these moments.

Practice ‘Single-Tasking’ to Rebuild Focus

You might be used to juggling multiple tasks, sometimes even multiple screens at once. Instead, choose one activity (like reading a book, cooking, or walking) and commit to it fully for a set time.

• Why It Works: Single-tasking retrains your brain to sustain attention, making it easier in the long run to avoid distractions like TikTok.

• Pro Tip: Start small, try single-tasking for 10 minutes, then gradually build up to an hour.

In combination, these tips help you see how to reclaim mindset from tiktok distraction by addressing the internal drivers that keep you scrolling.

Taking the Next Big Step: Join a Trauma Therapy Intensive

So, you’ve seen how to reclaim mindset from tiktok distraction can be more than just a quick fix; it’s about addressing the underlying psychological patterns, such as perfectionism, unresolved trauma, or the fallout from narcissistic abuse. If you resonate with the feeling of being “polished on the outside but empty on the inside,” or if you’ve found yourself desperately scrolling through social media to fill an emotional void, you may need more than just weekly therapy sessions.

Why a Trauma Therapy Intensive?

• Immediate Momentum: Instead of waiting a week between sessions, you tackle everything head-on for a concentrated period.

• Deep Healing: Rather than surface-level conversations, you plunge into the heart of your trauma, perfectionism, or codependency patterns and work through them comprehensively.

• Customized Strategies: Intensives allow for real-time feedback and adaptation of coping strategies. You can immediately put new tools into practice, evaluate their effectiveness, and refine them under professional guidance.

Transformation Beyond the TikTok Scroll

When I work with clients in an intensive format, I often hear statements like:

• “I didn’t realize how much of my perfectionism was tied to my childhood until now.”

• “For the first time, I feel like I actually have a roadmap for my mental health.”

• “I used to spend hours on TikTok. Now, I’m more intentional, and my relationships are improving.”

Each of these breakthroughs underscores one thing: Deep, dedicated work fosters transformation.

Putting It All Together

Your life doesn’t have to be dictated by a constant stream of 15-second videos. If you’re feeling like:

1. You’re the person everyone looks up to, but inside, you feel like you’re barely holding it together.

2. Your achievements don’t fill the void of disconnection in your personal life.

3. You can’t trust your own mind anymore—every time you try to remember something, you second-guess yourself because of all the gaslighting.

Or any of the other pain points shared above, then it’s time to consider a new approach. A trauma therapy intensive can offer a deeper, more immersive pathway to healing than weekly therapy. Coupled with simple but powerful daily strategies, you can finally discover how to reclaim mindset from tiktok distraction and restore genuine, meaningful connections in your life.

Your Step Toward a Stronger, Healthier Mindset

Ready to break free from the cycle of TikTok-induced anxiety, perfectionism, or post-narcissistic confusion? A trauma therapy intensive could be the fast-pass you need. You deserve a life where you’re not just scrolling and surviving, but thriving with purpose and clarity.

Take Action Now:

• Consider scheduling a consultation for a trauma therapy intensive. I am accepting new clients for Trauma Intensives, schedule by clicking here.

• Start integrating the three helpful tips, social media blackout periods, mindful journaling, and single-tasking, today.

• Share this article with someone who might need it, or save it for yourself as a reminder that help is available.

Your focus, your relationships, and your peace of mind are worth the investment. Instead of letting TikTok or any other social platform sabotage your life’s potential, make the conscious choice to dive deeper, heal, and reclaim your mindset once and for all.

FAQs

1. Is TikTok actually harming my mental health, or is it just a trend?

Research has shown that extended use of social media platforms like TikTok can lead to increased anxiety, depression, and stress due to constant comparison and information overload. While individual experiences vary, the platform’s design often promotes addictive scrolling habits, which can contribute to negative mental health outcomes. If you find yourself feeling anxious, drained, or distracted after using TikTok, it’s worth exploring how to reclaim mindset from tiktok distraction through structured breaks, mindful use, or even a deeper therapeutic approach like a trauma therapy intensive.

2. Why do high-achievers seem more susceptible to TikTok-induced anxiety?

High-achievers often struggle with perfectionism, fear of missing out (FOMO), and the pressure to maintain a polished image. TikTok’s fast-paced content and endless scroll can intensify these feelings, making it harder to unwind or focus on meaningful relationships. The dopamine rush from likes, views, and new content can temporarily boost mood—but may ultimately compound existing anxieties. How to reclaim mindset from tiktok distraction starts with identifying those perfectionistic tendencies and implementing daily strategies like mindfulness, social media blackout periods, or single-tasking.

3. How do I know if I need a trauma therapy intensive rather than weekly therapy?

If you’re finding that weekly sessions barely scratch the surface of your deeper issues, like unresolved trauma, narcissistic abuse fallout, or persistent perfectionism, an intensive may be more effective. In an intensive, you have consecutive blocks of time to work through complex emotions without losing momentum between appointments. Clients often report faster breakthroughs and more sustained results. This model can be particularly beneficial for those who have realized how central a sense of emotional safety and belonging is to how to reclaim mindset from tiktok distraction.

4. Are there quick strategies to reduce my TikTok usage without quitting social media entirely?

Absolutely. Simple but powerful tips include scheduling social media blackout periods, journaling to identify emotional triggers, and practicing single-tasking to rebuild focus. Using app-blocker tools can also help set clear boundaries. These steps encourage moderate, mindful use rather than total elimination. By combining these tactics with deeper healing work, such as trauma therapy intensives, you’ll gain a framework for how to reclaim mindset from tiktok distraction and overall mental well-being.