5 Signs of Being in a Toxic Relationship and How to Leave - Start Healing Today
signs of being in a toxic relationship and how to leave
Let me guess: You’re the kind of person who has their life together. You’ve got a successful career, a great circle of friends, and you’re self-aware enough to know when something’s off. But for some reason, when it comes to your relationships, you keep finding yourself in the same toxic patterns. You know something isn’t quite right, but you can’t figure out why you’re still stuck. Trust me, you’re not alone.
As a trauma therapist specializing in signs of being in a toxic relationship and how to leave, I work with high-achieving individuals just like you who are confused about why they end up in these unhealthy dynamics. Whether it's with a partner, friend, or family member, the emotional toll of toxic relationships can feel like you’re stuck in a loop. But here’s the thing: the fact that you’re aware of the issue is half the battle. Now, it’s time to really understand why and break free.
In this article, we’ll go over 5 clear signs of being in a toxic relationship and how to leave. I’ll also provide you with practical steps to start healing today.
You Feel Like You’re Constantly Walking on Eggshells
signs of being in a toxic relationship and how to leave
I get it. It’s exhausting. You might feel like no matter what you say or do, it’s the wrong thing. You’re always second-guessing yourself and wondering if your words or actions are going to set off an emotional bomb. This is one of the clearest signs of being in a toxic relationship.
Why This Happens
Often, when we’re dealing with emotional manipulation or gaslighting (where your reality is consistently questioned), we start to doubt our own instincts. It's like living in a fog where you can't trust your own emotions, and it’s even harder to speak up for yourself. In my work with clients, I’ve seen this dynamic play out repeatedly. For example, one client came to me saying, "I just feel like I can never say the right thing. If I express my feelings, it always turns into a fight."
How to Leave
Set Clear Boundaries. Start by identifying what behaviors make you feel unsafe or unsupported, and then calmly express these boundaries to your partner. Boundaries are an act of self-respect, and while they may initially feel uncomfortable, they’re essential for creating a healthier relationship.
Trust Your Feelings. Your feelings are valid. Trust them. You don’t need to rationalize or explain them away to someone who dismisses them.
You Feel Drained and Emotionally Exhausted After Spending Time Together
Have you ever walked away from a conversation with your partner feeling emotionally drained, like you have nothing left to give? Healthy relationships should recharge you, not leave you feeling like you’ve been in a constant emotional battle.
I had a client, a highly successful executive, who used to feel like she needed a nap every time she spent time with her boyfriend. “It’s like I’m giving so much of myself to him and receiving nothing back. I don’t have the energy to focus on myself or my career anymore.”
Why This Happens:
In toxic relationships, one partner often drains the other emotionally, either by being overly needy, critical, or manipulative. You’re giving so much of yourself in hopes of keeping the peace, and eventually, it takes a toll.
How to Leave:
Prioritize Self-Care. If you find yourself exhausted after spending time with your partner, make sure you’re recharging your batteries. Take time for your hobbies, exercise, meditate, or just hang out with friends who fill you up.
Create Emotional Space. Recognize that it’s okay to need space for yourself. It doesn’t make you selfish; it makes you a person who knows how to protect their emotional health.
You Keep Making Excuses for Their Bad Behavior
If you’ve found yourself saying things like, “They’re just having a bad day,” or “They didn’t mean it that way,” more times than you can count, you're probably overlooking a deeper issue. This kind of rationalizing is a classic sign of being in a toxic relationship.
I can’t tell you how many clients I’ve worked with who, despite being intelligent, successful, and emotionally aware, still find themselves excusing their partner’s bad behavior. One client said to me, “I know he’s been critical lately, but I think it’s just because his work is stressful. He’s always been a good partner when things are calm.”
Why This Happens
This is where trauma bonding comes into play. When you’ve been in a relationship with intermittent highs and lows, your brain can become addicted to the “good” moments, which makes you ignore the bad ones. It’s like a drug—it feels good for a second, but it’s ultimately harmful.
How to Leave:
Get Honest with Yourself. Start noticing the pattern: every time your partner acts in a way that feels off, stop and ask yourself if it’s really excusable. Be radically honest about what behaviors you’re willing to tolerate.
Seek Therapy.. Working with a trauma-informed therapist can help you break the cycle of rationalizing bad behavior and see the relationship for what it really is.
You Feel Like You’ve Lost Yourself in the Relationship
I’ve seen this time and time again. You’re so invested in the relationship that you stop focusing on your own needs, wants, and values. Instead of growing together, you find yourself shrinking, losing the parts of you that used to bring you joy.
One client, who had spent years in a controlling relationship, came to me feeling like a shell of herself. “I don’t even know what makes me happy anymore. All I do is try to keep him happy. I’ve forgotten what I even want from life.”
Why This Happens
In toxic relationships, one person often exerts control or manipulation, leaving the other person to constantly accommodate their needs. Over time, this suppresses your individuality and leaves you feeling disconnected from your true self.
How to Leave:
Reclaim Your Identity. It’s time to reconnect with the things that bring you joy, whether it’s a hobby, a career goal, or even a new friendship. Take time for yourself, and allow yourself to grow outside of the relationship.
Set Personal Goals. Reassess your goals outside of the relationship. What do you want for yourself? Make time to work toward these goals.
You Constantly Feel Like You’re Not Enough
This one hits hard, especially for high-achieving individuals. If you feel like no matter how much you give, how hard you try, or how much you sacrifice, it’s never enough for your partner, you’re likely in a toxic relationship.
One client of mine, a driven entrepreneur, shared this with me: “I feel like I’m never good enough for him. No matter what I do, he always finds something wrong. It’s like I can’t ever measure up.”
Why This Happens
Toxic partners often use criticism or emotional neglect to undermine your self-worth. If you’ve been criticized or invalidated repeatedly, you may start to internalize the belief that you’re not good enough, even though that’s far from the truth.
How to Leave
Practice Self-Love. You have to start with recognizing your own worth. This means practicing self-compassion, affirming your own value, and setting clear boundaries with people who make you feel small.
Stop People-Pleasing. Learn to say no without guilt. You don’t have to cater to someone else’s needs at the expense of your own.
Signs of Being in a Toxic Relationship and How to Leave
If you're feeling stuck and unsure how to leave a toxic relationship, you're not alone. Recognizing the signs of being in a toxic relationship is the first step toward reclaiming your peace and happiness. Whether it's constant emotional exhaustion, losing yourself, or feeling unworthy, these patterns can often be traced back to unresolved trauma. Understanding how trauma impacts relationships is key to breaking the cycle and creating healthy connections moving forward.
By setting clear internal boundaries, practicing self-care, and embracing your worth, you can begin the journey of healing from both trauma and toxic relationships. It’s not easy, but it is possible to transform the way you engage with others and with yourself.
Taking action might feel overwhelming, but remember, you're not in this alone. As a trauma therapist specializing in toxic relationships, I help high-achieving individuals like you untangle the confusion, address underlying trauma, and create lasting change. Start by identifying the toxic behaviors in your life and reach out for support—because you deserve to thrive in healthy, fulfilling relationships.
Ready to leave the cycle behind? Take the first step toward freedom today and let go of the trauma-based relationship patterns that no longer serve you. Your journey to a healthier, happier you starts now.
Schedule a FREE 15 minute phone call with me or book your first appointment directly through the button below.
